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"The Super Beings Bureau Saga"

Stories in this series

A series of short stories about the Super Beings Bureau, someplace all super-powered types have to visit at one point or another, and Ann Miller, a long-suffering, perfectly ordinary person who wants to be a super hero in order to help people.

A Hard Day's Work
Magneto returns to the Bureau for the annual renewal of his super-being license.

So You Want to Be a Superheroine
A perfectly normal, well-adjusted woman named Ann applies to be a superheroine.

What They'll Do for Love
Sick of all the hurdles shoved in their paths, Rogue and Gambit demand a marriage license.

Office Gossip
The hard-working folks at the Super Beings Bureau discuss the most recent events at the office.

What's a Super Heroine to Do?
Trying to "help" Ann become popular, the Bureau places her with Generation X.

What a Super Heroine Should Be
The people at the Bureau make one last-ditch attempt to show Ann how to be a super heroine.

Power Hungry
Trapped in the office for nearly 2 weeks during a power outage, the folks at the Bureau -- and the long-suffering super beings who just came to renew their licenses -- must endure hunger, boredom and each other.

Clients of the Bureau visit the dentist. <Shudder>

A Super Heroine's Life
Ann Miller and Ms. Marvelous go on the Susan Smith Show to discuss their respective lifestyles as super heroines.

Ann Miller about Her Latest (blah-ish) Outing
While her frustrated Writer struggles to rewrite/revamp/redo/re-whatever Ann Miller's last appearance, Ann tells the folks at home what's going on.

Ms. Marvelous: The Early Years
(or: "So You Want to Be a Sleek Sex Goddess")
An intimate look at just how Ms. Marvelous got started in the superhero business.

Disclaimer: It's Marvel's universe, but everything in the story is mine.
Note: This is probably the last we'll be seeing of Ann.

"Ms. Miller, you are one of the single most exasperating clients that I have ever had!"

"Well you aren't all that fun to be around yourself!"

"No accent ... No code name ... No group ... Unpopular!"

"Fine, I'm a total failure to you. Can I go now?"

"No! Not quite yet, there is something else that I would like to show you. Since you refused to join Generation X, there is one last solution -- one used only in the most extreme of cases. Follow me."

Several Moments later, in the Bureau's Surveillance Center

"What is all of this?!"

"It's our very own IMAX Theater. Take a seat, and put on the helmet."

"Why? What are we watching?"

"We are about to view the adventures of a Popular Single Super Heroine. If you can learn anything from Ms. Marvelous, there may be some chance for you yet. Now hush, the show is beginning."

The Adventures of Ms. Marvelous

::Stop, vous evilez fiends or Ah will be forced t' injure toi!::

"Good God! What kind of an accent is that!"

"One specifically designed for Ms. Marvelous on her adventures. Now keep still and listen!"

::I do not think so, Ms. Marvelous! For I am Controlla, the amazing villain and I shall not give up!::
::Good! For moi veux te hurtez for de pain dat ye have caused me! Ye dinnae have t' kill mah beloved and ye did!::

"I didn't understand a word that weirdo said!"

"Fine! Cut the accent!"

"Thank you."

::I am blasting you with my incredible mind control talents, Ms. Marvelous. Even you cannot stand against them!::

"She wouldn't be suffering like that if the twit had skipped the speeches and just knocked that Controlla person unconcious!"

"It's that kind of attitude that ensures that you aren't Popular."

::I am forcing myself to ignore the pain! I will not give into your vile mind control powers, Controlla!::
::You cannot stop me! MWWHHAA HAA HAA!::

"Mwwhaa Haa Haa?"

"Standard Villain Laugh."

"Crazed sheep is more like it."

::I have my own powers, which I will now use!::

"About time!"

"Ms. Miller, shush!"

::No! Noooo!::
::You have been defeated, Controlla. Evil is vanquished, and good stands triumphant once again!::

Back in the Real World

"That's a popular heroine?!"


"I think that I've just lost all of my respect for people's intelligence!"

"Bitter, aren't we?"

"No, just amazed. I could have taken Controlla out in half the time!"


"Yeah. I mean really! The woman had hair down to her waist -- can we say hair pulling? And she's wearing stilettos! How easy would it have been to knock her off of her feet!"

"Not as easy as you may think, Ms. Miller. Controlla is a Battle Hardened Warrior Villainess."

"That reminds me, why did she have a big cutout in her armour? What good is it if there's a huge hole in it?"

"That is a perfectly acceptable uniform."


"Well, what did you think about what you've just seen?"

"I thought it was pitiful."


"And I'd wish you'd stop trying to turn me into another 'Ms. Marvelous'! It isn't going to work!"

"But weren't you the least bit impressed by her? I trained Ms. Marvelous myself."

"Why doesn't that surprise me? Look, I don't want to be anything like her. I'm perfectly content just as I am."


"I think that I've seen enough here to last me a lifetime. So I'll just be on my way now. And please -- no more Ms. Marvelous'!"




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