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"The Super Beings Bureau Saga"

Stories in this series

A series of short stories about the Super Beings Bureau, someplace all super-powered types have to visit at one point or another, and Ann Miller, a long-suffering, perfectly ordinary person who wants to be a super hero in order to help people.

A Hard Day's Work
Magneto returns to the Bureau for the annual renewal of his super-being license.

So You Want to Be a Superheroine
A perfectly normal, well-adjusted woman named Ann applies to be a superheroine.

What They'll Do for Love
Sick of all the hurdles shoved in their paths, Rogue and Gambit demand a marriage license.

Office Gossip
The hard-working folks at the Super Beings Bureau discuss the most recent events at the office.

What's a Super Heroine to Do?
Trying to "help" Ann become popular, the Bureau places her with Generation X.

What a Super Heroine Should Be
The people at the Bureau make one last-ditch attempt to show Ann how to be a super heroine.

Power Hungry
Trapped in the office for nearly 2 weeks during a power outage, the folks at the Bureau -- and the long-suffering super beings who just came to renew their licenses -- must endure hunger, boredom and each other.

Clients of the Bureau visit the dentist. <Shudder>

A Super Heroine's Life
Ann Miller and Ms. Marvelous go on the Susan Smith Show to discuss their respective lifestyles as super heroines.

Ann Miller about Her Latest (blah-ish) Outing
While her frustrated Writer struggles to rewrite/revamp/redo/re-whatever Ann Miller's last appearance, Ann tells the folks at home what's going on.

Ms. Marvelous: The Early Years
(or: "So You Want to Be a Sleek Sex Goddess")
An intimate look at just how Ms. Marvelous got started in the superhero business.

Disclaimer: The Super Beings Bureau, Kyle, Pierre, Ms. Marvelous,Plant, and Controlla belong to me. The Marvel characters obviously belong to Marvel.

The Super Beings Bureau was filled with the usual grumbles and angry mutterings that super powered beings, forced to wait hours sitting on hard plastic chairs, tended to emit. It was music to Kyle's ears. Well, up to the point where the irritated beings started to pound on him.

But, Kyle Stone could see no poundings in his immediate future. Today, the 'Emergency Man' didn't seem to be needed. So, he could enjoy the thunderous looks on the faces of the passing spandex wearers without worry.

His smirk faded when Rogue passed before the open door of his office. The woman was practically glowing with happiness. One marriage certificate, and years of carefully cultivated angst went down the drain. Kyle's expression brightened once again as he realized that she'd be as miserable as the others by the time she was finished renewing her licence.

And this time, he wouldn't be the one to get threatened.

Kyle's newly returned satisfied smirk disappeared once again as the lights flickered. Holed up in his windowless office, Kyle had almostforgotten about the storm raging outside the relatively safe walls of the Bureau.

The lights wavered again before blinking out completely, plunging the Bureau into darkness. Kyle tensed as his office went dark, clutching at the side of his chair. A dark building filled with irritable super beings was even more hazardous than a lighted one.

Kyle didn't move. He waited for the lights to come back on before venturing out into the halls. A long, claustrophobic moment later, Kyle had to admit that the lights didn't appear ready to come back on.

He stumbled to his feet and cautiously made his way towards the door. He made it out of his office in relatively good health and hesitated. The halls were as dark as his office had been.

A dim red light filled the hall, and Kyle turned to see a young woman with glowing eyes standing in front of the vending machine. There were some benefits to working with super powered people.

Taking advantage of the light the young Thunderbolt was providing, Kyle scanned the hall. Pierre, the 'Image Consultant' was there, along with Rogue, the light providing girl-- Jolt, Ms. Marvelous, and Plant Master 2000. Yet another reason to hope that the power outage wouldn't last long.

They all looked at one another, worriedly. Finally, Ms. Marvelous broke the tense silence. "The power is out!" she gasped, her blue eyes widening in shock. "It must be an evil plot -- courtesy of Controlla!"

Kyle rolled his eyes. As good as the woman looked in spandex, she was still a moron. "It's the storm," he informed her brusquely.

"Why don't we get out of here?" Rogue suggested calmly. "The elevators won't be working, but we can still use the stairs." She looked around, searching for their escape route.

Pierre cleared his throat nervously. "We don't have stairs." He looked ready to bolt -- one had to have good survival instincts working in the Bureau.

"No stairs!?" Jolt gasped. "Why not?"

"It wasn't considered 'high tech' enough" Pierre explained. He dropped down onto the floor and settled up against a wall. "Which means that we're going to be here a while."

Kyle woke the next morning with frozen fingers and the biggest crink in his neck he'd ever had. He looked around the darkened hall they'd spent the night in and groaned. They were still trapped.

Rogue and Jolt were seated a short distance away from him. The older woman was animatedly recounting one of the adventures that she'd had with her team. She was far too cheerful for an early morning, trapped environment.

Not to mention that she was ruining the usual mood of general unhappiness and irritableness that permeated the Bureau. It set Kyle's teeth on edge.

"I'm cold!" Plant Master 2000 whined for his position next to one of the potted plants lining the hall. He did look cold, Kyle allowed. The green leaves sprouting from the man's head had frost covering them. "And hungry!"

"I can't do anything about the cold Mr--?" Rogue began.

"Plant Master 2000" the leafy man said proudly. "But you can call me Plant."

"Ok, Plant. We may not be able to do anything about how cold this place is, but we can do something about food." Rogue gestured to the vending machine. She walked towards it and drew her fist back.

"Your going to break it?!" Jolt protested.

"Would you rather go hungry?" Rogue inquired sweetly as she sent her fist crashing through it. Candies and chips scattered across the floor and Rogue casually swiped a bag of Doritos. "'Sides, I'll pay for it later."

They all followed Rogue's example and chose a bit of junk food. The hall fell silent again as they all focused on their food.

"It has been a total of three, long, cold, hunger filled days!" exclaimed Ms. Marvelous grandly as she nibbled at a Mars bar. "I fear that I cannot take much more of this stress!"

Moron or not, Kyle had to agree with that assessment. He was cold. He was hungry. And he felt ready to snap.

"I didn't want to suggest this prematurely," Rogue said slowly, "but why don't we just break our way out? I'll punch through a wall and--"

"Won't work," Kyle said shortly. "This is the Bureau. With all you bad tempered powerful people running around and breaking things, the building is specifically reinforced..."

"That's ok!" Jolt chirped, smiling reassuringly. "Everything will turn out fine! We can't be in here much longer." She looked around the room and the dull eyed people. "Why don't we sing something?!"

"Lookee!" Plant mumbled, intently focusing on the wall. "It's a bunny!" He wiggled his fingers around over the flashlight they'd found in the guards desk, making the image on the wall bounce around.

"Is not a bunny!" Ms. Marvellous said. "It is a fox! How could you not see that!? It is a fox! A fox! You hear me!?" Her tirade complete, Ms. Marvellous burst out into tears.

"Bunny rabbit! Jump bunny, jump!"

I am going insane, Kyle thought as he stared at the figure. He narrowed his eyes, considering. "No, it's an elephant."

"We're going to get out of here today, I can feel it," Jolt said from where she was slumped on a desk chair she'd dragged into the hall.

"You've said that every day since this started!" Pierre snapped. He ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. "I need a shower! My hair is..." Apparently not finding words enough to express the horror that was his hair, Pierre settled for a shudder.

"Today is different!" Jolt insisted.

Kyle glared at the girl. There was a time for optimism, and there was a time for utter and total hopelessness. This was the time for the later.

"Shower..." Pierre was saying. "Warm, cleansing water..."

Kyle shrugged slightly. The sink was good enough for him. What he wanted was a change of underwear.

Kyle came out of the bathroom, a scowl on his face. "The taps are frozen, and the toilets aren't working," he informed his fellow sufferers.

Pierre sobbed.

Gasp. Wheeze. Gasp. Wheeze.

Kyle opened his eye and glared at Ms. Marvelous. Her chest was raising and falling with every gasping breath she drew in. And then came the inevitable wheeze.

Shut up! Kyle silently commanded the woman.

Gasp. Wheeze. Gasp. Wheeze.

His fists clenched and Kyle fought the urge to ... Well, to do something to stop the woman's annoying intake of air.

Gasp. Wheeze. Gasp. Wheeze.

Jolt came hurrying down the dimly light by flashlight hall, cradling something in her hands. "Guys, I found a battery operated radio!" she exclaimed, flicking it on.

"The power outage is expected to last another five days," the news announcer stated. "Now why don't we listen to some more music! Now for 'My Heart Will Go--"

"Shut it off, please!" Rogue gasped.

Jolt groaned and rubbed her hand against her cheek. "My teeth hurt!" she moaned.

"Want an O Henry?" Plant asked, chocolate bar held out before him. Jolt glared at him and Plant shrugged. "What?! It's good!" he answered defensively.

Kyle woke the sound of Howard Stern's voice. They'd been listening to the man since Jolt had found the radio.

"--big breasts!" he laughed.

"No more!" Rogue shrieked, pounding on the radio. With a squeal, the man's voice stopped.

"Great! Now what are we going to do?!" Plant sobbed.

Kyle gasped. Had he been imagining it? No, there it was again! The light! It was flickering back on!

"The lights!" Kyle screamed happily. He grabbed Ms. Marvelous and planted a kiss on her cheek before pushing her away and scampering through the hall.  "The lights!"

The others took up his call and by the time security came up to tell them that the elevators were safe to use, they were all laughing and dancing through the hall.

"Well, after this experience," Kyle said as he and his fellow storm victims parted. "There's one thing I can say with certainty. I never want to see any of you again!"




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