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Unrecognisable characters = Rhona Highet
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Math lesson's over = Beginning of story!
Distribute freely without asking me because the answer is
yes anyway. Make changes if you like just point out that the
original text is mine! Make fun of it if you like BUT you
have to e-mail me first. Don't change the title of this 'cause
I happen to like it. Be happy!
Nathaniel Essex aka Mr Sinister is having a bad day!
"Okay, I'm having a really bad day and I'm really pissed
off. First those damn X-Men came to my home and wreck the
joint. Thank God I own the place and wasn't renting it. You'd
think the place had been hit by an earthquake the way they
"Anyway, I sorted out the insurance and the bill has
been sent to Charlie! I'll never get that 'no claims bonus'
now, thank you Mr Summers. I shouldn't blame it all on Summers
(I could but I won't), Rogue did a lot of demolition work.
Stupid cow! I suppose it's not really her fault either. I
mean, she was raised by that psycho bitch, Mystique.
"Speaking of bitches, I ran into my ex. Yes, I saw psycho's
sister Kes! Boy did she look good! She was wearing a clingy
little get up under her white lab coat.
"Listen to me, I sound like Deadpool. Next thing, I'll
be dating little Irish red heads. NOT.
"Anyway, I was going to talk to my immortal beloved,
when this guy comes out and start pawing my wife (well technically,
we're not divorced). So, I go up to him, knock him in to next
Tuesday and she gets mad at me. She goes 'Who the fuck are
you?' and I, forgetting that I had one of those image changer
thingumajigs on, said 'I'm your fucking husband
you stupid bitch.'
"Okay, I'm the first to admit that the last comment
was uncalled for. She looked at me and went 'Nathaniel?' and
I said 'How many husbands do you have?' She looked at me with
disgust and yes, I know that look all to well. So basically
she told me where to go and that in her eyes the marriage
had been over for ages. Then she said something which got
me thinking. 'If you loved me, you wouldn't have left us the
"Left us? What was she on? Then I searched through all
the damned files and medical records (because I can)
and found out that one Kestrel Darkholme had given birth to
a 6lb 5oz baby girl in Mississippi almost 23 years ago. Which
means the kid has a 100% chance of being mine 'cause I remember
Kes and I having a bit of a fling around that time.
"Anyway, I went to the place of my baby's birth and
got copies of the birth certificate. I feel I should point
out that it was actually Kes who left me, I didn't leave her.
So basically I do love her she just didn't want me ............oh
I get it, it's because I actually did some work while she
was around. Well SORRY for not giving you 24 hour attention
Kes, but some of us do have lives. Spoilt bitch. If it's not
about her she gets mad. Have you ever tried arguing with someone
who's over 100 years old yet has the mind of a 17 year old?
"I'm getting side-tracked. I got a copy of the birth
certificates only to discover my baby, Christian, was adopted.
I have to protest, Christian? What kind of a name is that
for a girl? If I had actually been told about her, I think
I would have called her Lucy or Karen. Or I might have been
really adventurous and called her something like India or
Israel -- I like place names. I also like Natalie and Nadine.
"Anyway, I decided I was going to find out who my daughter
was at any cost. It took a while but I found out that my baby
was adopted by a couple in Caldecott. Bummer.
"I had this feeling that I was going to know my daughter
already. I traced my baby's childhood home and found it had
been abandoned for ages. Inside there was still stuff belonging
to the former residents. Yes, I had a look around. There was
a room done up for a little girl. The walls looked like they
had once been white and there was a rocking horse and other
toys and books scattered around. The closet had some clothes.
Nothing great except a little white dress. A white dress?
My daughter's a Catholic? That was definitely a communion
dress. Agh, in the eyes of God she's a catholic. Mother would
"So, I left the house. I asked around and my fears were
confirmed, congratulations Nathaniel Essex, Rogue is your
daughter. Now I feel like I should go on to Jerry Springer.
'Today we are talking to fathers who are their long lost children's
enemy.' Yeh, Magneto could join me with Quicksilver and I'm
sure Cable and Chuck have a couple of children stashed away
who don't like them. Does the name Tyler mean anything and
while we're at it, David sound familiar? Well at least I had
a long term relationship with the mother.
"Now the $64 million question, do I tell Rogue? Well,
if I start acting differently to her she's going to think
I have a sick fascination with her. I have a sick fascination
with her mother!
"Speaking of which, I had a message on my answering
machine. (Yes, I have an answering machine. I also own
a small island in the Pacific.) "It was Ms Darkholme.
She wanted to meet me and apologize for her outburst. I called
her back and said I'd meet her at her place. Well she's seen
my place, I want to see her's.
"We met at her place, she apologized, we had a couple
of drinks and then we got nostalgic which always leads to
sex. Sad, isn't it. So we slept with each other and the next
morning I confronted her. She's always in a good mood after
she's screwed me. Not that I can complain about it, I love
it when she dominates me! Sick? Perverted? That's me!
"Anyway, I confronted her about what she said and she
confessed to having a baby, then putting her up for adoption.
Aww, you should have seen here face. She looked like a little
girl. I hugged her and told her it was alright and that I
knew the girl and that she was a lovely little girl. Then
Kes said she wanted to see her and tell her who we are.
"Yeh sure. 'Hi Rogue, I know I'm not your favorite person
but I'm your father and this woman's your mother. Now how
about a hug for your ol' dad!' Somehow I didn't think Rogue
was going to accept us.
"Kes is good for a laugh and a quick tumble but she's
numero uno pain in the rear! We went round to the Xavier Institute
(for the criminally insane) and I took my bill for damages
to my property. We met Rogue in private (it was Scott's day
off), and we told her who she was. I had the sense to hide
behind the sofa while our baby wrecked the room. She calmed
down and asked us why she was put up for adoption. Kes told
her she did it 'cause she was afraid I might do something
to her. Excuse me Kes, but I want children! I want to have
someone to spoil rotten who is a part of my soul.
"Y'know, I actually realize now that Rogue takes after
her mother. I always thought that it was because of Mystique.
I also realize I see nothing of me in her. So what did I go
and say? 'I want a blood test.' They both look at me and Kes
starts crying and saying that Rogue is mine and that's she's
not slept with another man. Hey, my ego was boosted by that
comment. What man's wouldn't? Oh, now I felt bad. I'd had
an affair with someone a long time ago. Confessions of a dead
man! Shit, Jean and Hank know about that fling. I'll tell
"Anyway our baby, I like the sound of that, accepted
us and then dropped a bomb on me. She was pregnant. It was
Gambit's. Gambit was in Antarctica. What did I say? 'My baby's
pregnant by that jerk?!'
"She replied, 'Hey, look it's not his fault.'
"I said 'Well, it takes two to make a baby.'
"She said, 'An' at least Ah'm facin' up ta it.'
"'Go to your room, young lady' would have been my first
reaction if I had been a father to her. Then she brought up
the Mutant Massacre. I stormed out of the house. I walked
around town for ages (with the image inducer on) and sat in
the park watching the fathers playing ball with their sons
and mothers fixing their daughters' hair. The green-eyed monster
appeared and I went home.
"A few hours later Kes appears on the doorstep and we
started talking. Rogue wanted to know if her father was still
mad. I said to Kes to tell her that the psychiatrist was still
working on that one. She also told me that Rogue wanted to
get to know us. She also wanted my help in finding Gambit.
I agreed to both terms and we also decided it would be better
if the X-Men knew the whole story. I wanted to find Gambit
and stick a gun against his head 'til he agreed to marry my
baby. I'd also bring Mystique along for the sheer heck of
it! Hehe. Oh man, I can't wait to see Remy's face when he
"Which raises an interesting question, how the hell
did my daughter get pregnant? Yes, I know the biology, but
her powers would have done something horrible to Gambit. Oh
well, I'll sort it all out later. Right now I'm going to have
a shower. Who knows, maybe Kes'll be going with me. I don't
think I'll have to wish for that one!"
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