Generation X Presents:
A Short (and Somewhat Inaccurate) History of the X-Men
"Welcome back!" said Jubilee, brushing pieces of
cardboard off herself. "There's not much more to go folks
so let's just all pull together and try to make it through
"Why? WHY?" cried Bobby.
"Because," said Jubilee. "Somebody sedate
that man. Anyways... Rogue, played by our lovely Paige, had
gone to Muir Island, currently home to many many mutants."
Paige in jeans, a green jacket and green gloves, with a skunk
streak in her hair, walked onstage. "Yo."
"However, there was trouble in paradise - for none other
than the Shadow King was mucking around with everyone's head,
making them all evil (and additionally getting them to wear
strange clothes, another recurring theme for mental possession)."
Paige looked down at herself and shrugged. "Me, and
my shaaaaadow..." she sang. Mass groans from the audience.
"The X-Men, newly returned from space, arrived to battle
this fiend, who had already turned Colossus evil and
sent him to destroy Stevie Hunter."
Mondo roared past the stage in pursuit of Monet, who was
also in normal clothes (jeans, brown jacket).
"The X-Men arrived and were promptly taken over by the
Shadow King, who was channeling his power through Xavier's
son Legion and Lorna Dane, whose power had been strangely
"Wooo! Dude! I'm like, so totally evil!" yelled
Synch. "All of me. I mean, all of I. I mean, all of
us... how many people are inside my head right now?"
He waved his arms around and gently danced round the stage.
Jubilee raised her eyebrows. "Cut it with the adlibbing
Ev, that's my job. Anyways..."
Monet, now in costume as Storm, Paige as Rogue, Mondo as
Strong Guy/Guido (in normal clothes), Skin as Gambit tromped
on stage, and were joined by Franklin as Wolverine, Artie
as Forge and Leech as Jubilee.
"The X-Men were divided, not all had fallen beneath
the Shadow King's control, and so they had to battle their
comrades," Jubilee rechecked her notes, frowned, picked
up some earlier notes and looked at them. "Is it just
me, or does this seem to be a continuing problem?"
"It doesn't happen all that often." protested
"To you maybe." retorted Jubilee, "And
we're doing the return of Magneto and Asteroid M storyline
"Okay, so it does happen quite a bit," Scott allowed.
Bobby grinned. "We should all have little signs. You
know, 'Iceman is [evil] today'."
"Maybe the signs should read, 'Iceman is [stupid]
today,'" said Rogue.
"Getting back to the battle..." Jubilee started.
"Oh there's a battle on now is there?"
"Shut up Bobby! Getting back to the battle, we have
decided to reenact it." Jubilee made hand motions and
the entire GenX crew produced large fluffy pillows from behind
"Uh oh." said Wolverine, with a grin. "This
A massed roar and the 'X-Men' and assorted extras sprung
into battle, swinging their pillows with glee. The free-for-all
lasted several minutes, with various members of the team switching
sides seemingly at random. Paige added to the confusion by
husking every other second into a different mutant and
attacking everyone else. In the end it was every mutant for
themselves, not helped by Bobby, Sam and Logan rushing the
stage and joining in. Franklin as Wolverine and the original
one took special glee in pelting each other with pillows.
The audience contributed by throwing cushions and so on into
the melee. It could only end in feathers. Several pillows
burst, and in the ensuing feather blizzard, Jono, previously
unseen, pushed his way to the front.
"Shadow King!" he yelled. "I, Charles Xavier,
A pillow bounced off the back of his head.
"Aagh! Synch! I know that was you!"
Synch, who was still pretending to be Legion, giggled and
prepared to throw another pillow, but was ambushed by 'Storm'
Jono tried to recover, "I, Charles Xavier, will defeat
you in mind-to-mind combat!" He closed his eyes and concentrated.
"There! I've done it!"
The battle continued. Cable sneezed as feathers floated out
into the audience and tickled his nose. Angel added his sneezes
Jono rolled his eyes. "I said, I've done it! The Shadow
King is defeated! You can all stop fighting now!"
The battle continued. Paige and Monet duked it out with pillows.
Bobby and Skin challenged each other to cushions at 10 feet.
Wolverine speared a pillow on his claws.
"Oh for..." Jono picked up a pillow and waded into
the battle, wapping left and right.
"Off! Off! Get off the stage!" he yelled, smacking
Bobby repeatedly over the head with a pillow. "You, behave!"
*WAP!* Leech and Artie giggled and ran into
the audience to hide behind Jean's chair. "Two-bit wannabe!
OFF!" *WAP!* Wolverine vaulted back into
his chair, holding Franklin firmly under one arm. "Some
fun, hey, kid?" he asked. Franklin nodded, still laughing.
"Paigey, don't even think about hitting me with
that! Skin, down boy! Monet! Put the cushion down and step
AWAY from Synch. Synch, stop laughing!" and, eventually,
order was restored.
"Ah heh... ha..." Jubilee gasped for breath and
hid her camera. "And so Charles Xavier was triumphant
over the Shadow King. But it was not without cost, for Legion,
his son, went into a coma..."
Synch couldn't manage to stop laughing. Jono held him
down and put a pillow over his face, which seemed to work.
More or less.
"Jono, we need him for the next scene," reminded
Jono rather reluctantly removed the pillow. The half-smothered
Synch was still giggling.
"And with all these X-Men gathered into one place as
they had all the old team there as well, Xavier split the
X-Men into two teams. The cool team and the other team."
In the audience, eyebrows shot up. "Which team were
you in?" asked Bobby.
"Duh!" replied Jubilee.
"Actually, I don't think Jubilee was properly in either
of those teams," whispered Scott to Ororo.
"Jubilee has always considered herself a member by proxy
of any team that Wolverine happens to be in at that time."
Storm whispered back.
"And the first thing they had to do was battle each
other when Magneto reappeared with the Acolytes, who'd gone
to him for help." Jubilee made frantic hand motions and
the stage was tidied. A backdrop was lowered into place, it
was black with white splotches of paint intended to indicate
stars on it.
"Isn't that the bedsheet from your..." Betsy began.
"Let's not ask questions we don't want to hear the answers
to," said Warren.
"Anyway, Magneto had..." Jubilee began.
"Magneto Magneto Magneto! Why does this keep coming
back to me?" demanded Joseph testily. "It's persecution!
The same persecution that my people have always faced!"
"Uh oh." said several members of the audience.
Joseph stood up and pointed at the stage. "Beware lest
ye too be judged the way that I have been! I shall return
my pain a thousandfold!"
In the silence that followed, a pin dropping would have sounded
like Colossus hitting the ground after falling off the Empire
"Just kidding!" Joseph grinned. He brought his
arms up to protect himself as the air around him was suddenly
filled with popcorn, chocolate, liquorice and other sweets
(some kinetically charged), fireworks, snowballs, pillows,
a miniature rainstorm complete with little lightning bolts,
and finally a chair.
"That was NOT funny!" yelled Rogue, throwing another
chair. It bounced off Joseph's magnetic shield and he grinned
"Phew!" said Jubilee, letting out a breath she
hadn't been aware of holding. "I think I just aged about
six years!" she looked at her cue cards. "Skipping
to the good bits the Acolytes teamed up with Magneto and he
turned the cool X-team evil, or at least some of them. The
other X-team arrived to battle and things went down as they
usually do." She waved.
On trooped GenX again, this time in full costume. Paige as
Rogue, Monet as Storm, Synch as Cyclops, Mondo as Beast, Skin
as Iceman, Franklin as Wolverine, and Artie and Leech as Acolytes.
Jono entered with them, wearing Magneto's helmet.
Jubilee continued. "We have decided to reenact this
battle also." GenX grinned as one and produced water
bombs, pistols and supersoakers from behind their backs.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Scott stood up. "Absolutely
"But we already did a pillow fight." Jubilee
protested. "It was either this or food."
"No!" Scott was adamant. "Not in this house!"
"Oh... okay." Jubilee's eyes gleamed. Jono removed
his helmet and tossed it loosely in one hand. "Think
fast!" he yelled, and tossed it to Scott, who caught
GenX ran forward picked him up, and carried him outside.
*Jean!* Scott's mental cry reached his wife. *Help!*
Jean smothered a laugh and followed everyone else out
to watch the antics.
Ten minutes later GenX trooped back inside, tired and wet
but triumphant. They were trailed by the audience and a sodden
and bedraggled Scott Summers. He accepted a towel from Jean
and began to dry himself off. Logan grinned and reached forward
to pluck the remains of a water balloon off his ear.
"And now, GenX, in association with Lucasfilm, is proud
to present the end of that battle... the destruction of Asteroid
M!" cried Jubilee.
The backdrop was replaced with a white one, and a projection
was shone onto it. To the theme of Star Wars, a large computer
generated meteor was seen heading towards earth. It began
breaking up in the atmosphere in an impressive display of
"You know, there could be a movie in that idea."
The audience watched as the explosion took place and then
applauded. Jubilee bowed. "Thank yew, thank yew! We'll
be right back!" The curtain fell, and she exited.
Continued in Chapter
Next: The X-Cutioners Song: The
Musical. Be afraid. And Fatal Attractions briefly.
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