and the Keys of Music
Part Three: Fallen Angels
Home? You ain't got no home,
sugah. Not with the X-men. Fend for yourself. You seem to
have done a good job of that in the past.
-Rogue (UXM #350)
What is it that pulls a man
in many directions at once but which at the same time also
holds a man togeather? His soul.
But what use is a soul without a heart?(1)
He fell again.
He was tired of walking, tired of being cold. He knew the
chill would never leave his bones, and he wished he could
gather enough courage to charge up his clothing and let it
blow himself up.
But he couldn't do it.
He also wished he could sleep.
But he couldn't do that either.
Gambit took a mouthful of snow, and felt it melt in his mouth.
At least he wouldn't die of thirst. And, thanks to the supply
shack he found, he didn't know how many days ago, he wouldn't
be starving any time soon.
He had found the shack after walking for four...maybe five
days? He couldn't tell, the sun didn't set in the antarctic
this time of the year. He just knew that when he felt so tired
he was about to collapse, that it was probably night.
He had stayed in the shack for a long time, hoping someone
would come along and help him. But no one did. He was alone
in the freezing tundra.
The shack had clothes, snowshoes, a tent, and food. Everything
he needed. Searching around he found a CB radio, but it had
long since been busted, no help there. But he had found a
snow mobile too. Had ridden it until its gas and the gas he'd
found were used up. That was maybe three days ago?
Fire paste, wood, a first aid kit, and even something to
keep his fingers, toes and nose from getting frostbite had
been found in the back pack with the tent. The food he carried
in yet another bag, all strapped to his back.
The snowshoes had taken time to get used to, but he figured
them out, and now he walked like he'd been born with them.
Walked for hours on end, hoping that around each bend, or
just beyond the following rise, would be life. Any kind of
life, he would even be happy to see the Savage Land.
He didn't blame Rogue. He couldn't blame her, he loved her,
that love burned more brightly then anything else. It was
her face, the sound of her laughter in his ears, and that
night, that kept him going. It kept him from making a fool
mistake and stopping, because then he would die.
It was maybe on his tenth day away from the shack that he
started to hear music. Far away at first, then slowly it became
clearer, until he could hear each voice, five of them, and
each instrument playing. It was an old Doors' song with a
faster, newer beat. One that matched the 90's perfectly.
It was just over the bend, just over the next rise, a village,
a town, something!
He just had to keep walking, just a little bit more.
There's a candle burning in the world tonight
For another child who vanished out of sight
And a heart is broken, another prayer in vain
There's a million tears that fill a sea of pain
That wasn't the Doors, but it was familiar. He wasn't sure
who sang the song. And it made him remember things he had
tried to push in the back of his mind since he'd started walking.
Sarah. He had been able to save her. Grabbed her up, right
out of Sabertooth's way. He'd been able to save her, but not
before her little eyes had seen the death. Not before her
little ears were filled with the screams and cries of her
friends and family, and the evil laughter of a man Gambit
wished he could kill. And not before her little heart had
filled with pain that may never go away.
Sometimes I stare out my window
My thoughts all drift into space
Sometimes I wonder if there's a better place
He thought he could escape his past. Go to the X-Men, join,
save lives. Redeem himself for what he'd done. What he'd let
He lied to himself.
No matter what he did, how many people he saved, or helped,
he was responsible for multiple deaths. Responsible for a
friend losing something he cherished.
Was it any wonder why he had never been able to truly look
Archangel in the eye?
Now the times is frightening
Can't ignore the facts
There's so many people
Just slippin' through the cracks
How many of the Morlocks died? How many children, adults?
How many, Remy?
Too many to count.
Go to the X-Men? Redeem himself? Try and save his soul?
Ha! As if it could be saved!
He had just been kidding himself
So many ashes are scattered
So many rivers run dry
Heaven is Hell and you don't know why
His Heaven had been realized in that cave with Rogue. He
had had sex before, but before then, he'd never made love.
And that's what it had been, love. She had loved him...and
he had loved her, the first person he'd really ever truly
cared enough about to say those words and mean them with all
Oh the words had been there, every lover he'd ever taken
he'd whispered those words in their ear, but had he ever meant
it as much as he had whispering it to Rogue?
It had been his Heaven. But his Hell too, because she loved
him...and she knew nothing about him. She knew nothing about
the pain, hurt...death he had caused.
The Morlocks' blood was on his hands.
Be serious, Remy!
He was bathed in it! It'd never come off.
Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Somewhere out there there's a shining light
And I got to be with you tonight
All he wanted was to be there for all the things Rogue was
going through. He wanted to wash his memories from her mind,
not so she'd forgive him, that would never happen, but so
she wouldn't have to live with the thoughts. With the pain.
And with all we're nowhere We still pay the price Yeah the
devil seems to get his way In downtown paradise, yeah
He thought he had left it all behind him when he joined the
X-Men. Thought he could hide from the past, hide his shame.
He thought that he would forget over time, that the pain would
just go away.
But there was a price. In everything there was a price. It
was his soul. He'd given it to the devil, to Sinister, and
He'd lost the only place he could call home. Just like he'd
lost his poppa, he lost his friends. And Rogue.
Losing Belle hadn't felt as bad.
He knew it would come to this! He knew! His was a damned
soul the very day Jean-Luc LeBeau had pulled him off the streets,
and he hadn't changed at all since then. He knew he would
live a life in Hell...
So then why had it hurt so much to watch as Rogue flew off
without so much as a backward glance? Why did his heart, already
broken and smashed to pieces so long ago, hurt like it had
been torn from his chest?
Where do fallen angels go,
tell me I just don't know (I just don't know)
Where do fallen angels go
They keep falling (falling), falling (falling), falling (falling),
There's a candle burning
Gambit dropped to his knees. This time he wouldn't get up.
He didn't want to find the people playing the music. He had
no home, no life, might as well go to Hell now instead of
He put his head on his crossed arms for a pillow, and fell
Continued in Chapter
Note: (1) This is from the end
of UXM #350 but the last part about his heart I added myself.
Down-Home Charm / Fan-Fiction /
Fan Artwork / History Books /
Photo Album / Songbank /
Miscellania / Links /
Legalese: Rogue, the X-Men, and the distinctive likenesses thereof
are Trademarks of Marvel Characters, Inc. and are used without permission. This is an
unofficial fansite, and is not sponsored, licensed or approved by