What I Learned from
Reading the X-Books
During a sabbatical or vacation, always plan
on meeting another mutant.
Think carefully about which homicidal psycho
you're going to befriend.
With poor writers come great power ups.
If you don't like the world you're living
in go find a new one.
Sometimes you SHOULD listen to your mom and
just be a doctor.
Love hurts. Sometimes it even tries to kill
With great power comes great destruction.
And high insurance rates.
Living away from the general populace will
not endear you to said populace.
Don't talk about you're going to do. Just
send a telepathic signal.
Don't keep your friends too close. They'll
probably be forced to turn on you.
Weird hair colors may be sexy, but it's a
sign of danger.
Keep your assets in several accounts, in case
of court orders.
Have more than one skill.
Make friends with aliens. You get GREAT benefits.
Do not have a long-term relationship with
Learn astronomy. Well. You never know when
you might need it.
Have a good fashion sense. Know how to color
If you're going to have roommates, remember
that their enemies are now your enemies.
Make friends with a good doctor.
If you must have pet, chose a cat. You never
know when you'll be gone for a while.
If all your relatives are good guys, then
you're probably a bad guy.
If all your relatives are bad guys, then you
are probably a good guy.
People who look after children always have
a secret agenda, and it usually involves world conquest.
Never badmouth Wolverine to a total stranger,
as s/he probably owes him a Debt of Honour.
People who dye their hair are much easier
If you meet up with an old friend then they
will almost certainly be alien simulacra, embittered failures
bent on your downfall, or evil twins from artificial alternate
dimensions generated by time anomalies.
If it smiles when you turn your back, kill
...especially if it's drawn by Marc Silvestri.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can
Most medical staff - especially nurses - are
being mind controlled. Unless they happen to have a goatee,
in which case they are Mr Sinister.
Don't go to Dallas.
Don't go to Australia.
If you have a stupid, meaningless codename,
then you have to carry a gun.
You can't improve the present by going back
in time; you only mess things up more.
Gambit's past was more interesting when it
was a secret.
Never borrow plots from Highlander.
Never have a crossover with Star Trek.
The Shi'ar empire is irredeemably evil, but
they have better PR than the Skrulls.
Villains with amnesia are forgiven all their
Dazzler should have stuck to her career as
Mutants are not hated and feared if they join
The Age of Apocalypse: Nice place to visit,
but I wouldn't want to bring any characters back with me.
If the X-men can beat Darkseid, anyone can.
If your hair is red, you will face moral dilemmas.
If the artist doesn't like you, you die.
Even the most feral and brutal madman can
become a strong-willed, upstanding, highly moral and stalwart
If the book is named after you, you will win
or at least survive every fight.
If you don't survive a fight/adventure, there's
always another retcon that will save you.
There is a clear and immediately evident difference
between mutants and other superbeings that makes ordinary
folks fear the one and cheer the other.
Claws that will cut anything like butter can
be used to climb walls.
The operation of any alien machine is a simple
and obvious procedure.
Hundreds if not thousands of oft-grotesque
mutants can live under the streets of New York without drawing
If you are paralyzed, it is not a good idea
to park your wheelchair at the water's edge when the tide
is going out.
A good way to get attention is by joining
a violent, psychotic cult.
...or the Brotherhood.
You have more relatives than you think you
Once you have power you don't have to worry
about the essentials like paying rent, bills, etc.
With great power comes great hair.
Sometimes the one you love is not in their
right mind. Or rather the mind isn't in the right body.
Spandex is heavy-duty general use cloth.
You can never have too many sub basement levels
in your new home.
A friend today could be an enemy tomorrow
and a friend again the day after that. Maybe.
Don't date those you work with.
Those you date outside of work might not understand your job.
Sometimes you just shouldn't date.
He who laughs last dies two panels later.
A second heart is a handy thing to have.
A semi-sentient techno-organic slug in the
hand is worth two in the mini series.
If it happened in the mini-series, it never
Whatever happens, be nice.
Always, be nice.
...until its time to not be nice
... then you extrude adamantium and take a fast train to claw
If you're damned if you do, and damned if
you don't, then you might as well angst about it.
If you don't see the body, run it through
a thorough DNA analysis, and chop it up into little tiny bits,
then they aren't really dead.
People with full body fur should have at least
one friend who's a plumber.
Good help is hard to find, but easy to clone.
Smith & Wesson beats a straight flush,
but a kinetically charged boysenberry pie beats a plasma rifle
The world is only at risk between June and
September. The rest of the time, it's just a little messed
All aliens speak English.
Regardless of genetic incompatibility, aliens
and humans can procreate.
Such children will have powers, really great hair, and neat
'Bamf' is a real sound.
No one, ever, ever, _just_ plays poker.
A mind is a terrible thing to scan.
You can't change the past, but that doesn't
mean you should stop trying.
The future stinks, no matter who rules --
try living in the past.
Clone your wife for your brother -- but make
sure you marry the original!
If you're going to be a criminal and want
forgiveness, be older, majestic and tortured, NOT young, smarmy
Cherish childhood, it goes by quickly -- sometimes
in a matter of seconds.
Nobody is so evil that they can't become good.
And nobody is so good that they can't become evil.
Cycle and repeat.
Promote diversity and harmony through costumes,
secret identities and living in seclusion with your own kind.
Never program heavily armed killer robots
with "modify your own motives" routines. And include
New York is where the action is.
All the action.
Every last bit.
Your real parents abandoned you. That's why
Blue eyes aren't just for Caucasians anymore.
Working out is for the suckers who are unlucky
enough to not have the X-Factor, which carries with it a virtual
across-the-board guarantee your body fat will be below 3%
and you will bear a striking resemblance to either Mr. Universe
Down-Home Charm / Fan-Fiction /
Fan Artwork / History Books /
Photo Album / Songbank /
Miscellania / Links /
Legalese: Rogue, the X-Men, and the distinctive likenesses thereof
are Trademarks of Marvel Characters, Inc. and are used without permission. This is an
unofficial fansite, and is not sponsored, licensed or approved by