Disclaimer: None of them are mine,
they belong to God. And Marvel. I'm not making any profit,
and I do not mean to offend them. I just get a bit funny when
Jehovah's Witnesses (not that I have anything against them,
lovely people really, salt of the earth) anyway, I tend get
a bit weirded out when they come up to my gate and insist
on explaining how I have to join them or I'll get deaded when
God comes back and sees what we've been up to. In order to
get over said weirded-out-ness, I wrote my own take on their
viewpoint. I realize that I've gotten a lot of it wrong. This
is entirely deliberate, including everything.
God created the earth.
And He did this in six days.
Of course, this being God, and there being quite a bit to
get done, they were ineffable days, and thus were very long.
Millions of years long, by human standards, but there weren't
any humans around at the time, so nobody noticed that.
Anyway, on the seventh day, He rested.
And on the eighth day He got up, stretched, scratched His
beard a bit, and went to see how things were going.
And He saw that there was war on earth, that the air and
water were polluted, that there was famine and sickness and
all manner of unpleasantness.
He stared at it for a while. Then He sent for Gabriel, and
when the angel arrived, God spoke thusly. "I turn my
back for one minute and look what happens! I thought I told
you to keep an eye on the damn thing!!"
And Gabriel looked, and saw that there was war on earth,
that the air and water were polluted, that there was famine
and sickness and all manner of unpleasantness. He turned to
God, and answered, "I just went out the back for a quick
smoke, O God. I told Michael to keep an eye on it for a couple
So Jehovah, He who is God, summoned Michael, and when the
angel arrived, spoke thusly, in a rather testy manner. "Michael,
Gabriel says he left you in charge of the Earth while he went
for a quick smoke out the back. Would you care to explain
why it is that there is war on earth, that the air and water
are polluted, and that there is famine and sickness and all
manner of unpleasantness?"
Michael pulled out his note-slab, and ran his finger down
the right margin. "Earth, did you say? Little blue and
green planet with rather nice cumulus effects?"
"You like those?" God looked pleased. "They
took a long time." Then He remembered that He was annoyed,
because His creation was a mess, and scowled. "What went
Michael checked his notes. "I've got it down here as
a programming fault, O God."
"Programming fault? ME? I designed that planet perfectly!"
"Oh, the planet's fine. No problem with the planet.
At least, there didn't used to be." Michael tapped the
slab. "The problem is with the humans."
God looked blank. "Humans?"
Michael peered at his notes again. "Homo Sapiens. You
remember, Lord, the little hairless ones that walk on their
"Oh yes, the improvisation on the apes. They're the
ones who made all this trouble?" God looked again, and
behold, it was indeed a bunch of little hairless apes that
had caused all the trouble. "Hmp." Michael cleared
his throat politely, an affectation he'd picked up from a
collection of humans he'd been investigating in the third
century. God scowled again. "Why are you making that
"Just trying to get Your attention, O God. You should
probably know that most of them are blaming this on you."
"On Me? Why on Earth--" Silently, Michael fished
out a Holy Bible and handed it over. God thumbed through it
quickly, His scowl growing fiercer and fiercer. Gabriel winced,
and tried to sidle behind Michael. Michael, with the smug
self-righteousness that comes with the sure knowledge that
someone else is taking the fall for this one, pushed him back
into God's line of sight, just as He looked up from the book.
God scowled at His errant angel. "Gabriel, when I told
you to tell them that if they did not behave with proper respect
for My creation I would return and take things in hand Myself?"
"Yes, O God?" Gabriel offered up a slightly sickly
"This is not what I meant."
"Uhm ... well, I may have elaborated a little, O Lord,
but ... well, it's the humans, you see. They don't take direction
well. It takes a while for things to sink in."
"Apple Of Knowledge? A Garden?"
"A cautionary tale, O Lord. It seemed the best way to
impress your importance on them."
"What's this bit about sacrificing their sons?"
"Importance of loyalty. They seem to need these things
"When did I ever speak out of a burning bush!?"
"I threw my voice, O Lord."
"And look at this! Since when do I have a son?!"
"I made it up," Gabriel said wretchedly. "I
know it isn't exactly what you had in mind, Lord, but I did
God fumed. "And this bit! I don't have anything AGAINST
witches, they're usually quite respectable people with cleanly
"I didn't put that in," Gabriel defended himself
hastily. "That was a human that did that bit."
"Ah. You've seen the bit about you being the only Lord
God, O God?" Michael smirked. "I told him not to
put that part in."
"I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE, I'M JUST THE MOST IMPORTANT!!!"
"They misunderstood!" Gabriel whimpered, covering
his head with his wings. "And I TOLD them not to do that
converting-the-heathens thing but they're so bloody stubborn
once they get an idea into their heads ..."
Michael finally took pity on his brother angel, and intervened.
"Do you recall Lucifer, O Lord?"
"Lucifer ... Lucifer ... Oh yes. The one who didn't
take direction well. No, the ineffable plan wasn't good enough,
he had to do the mountains HIS way!" God's eyebrows lowered.
"Whatever happened to him?"
"He jumped off onto the Earth and he's been down there
playing Ultimate Adversary for ages. He's the one who's been
playing this Bible thing up." Michael cleared his throat
again. "He claims you pushed him, Lord."
"Typical." God sniffed. "Well, there's no
help for it. I'm going to have to clear the whole mess off
and start over. What a waste."
"Uhm ... Lord? Before you do anything rash, there's
something I think you should see." Michael pulled out
a second note-slab, and handed it over. God scanned it quickly,
read through it again more carefully.
"Interesting," He said thoughtfully. "Spontaneous
single generation mutation, hm?"
"Yes, O God. Very interesting, I thought."
"It is." God's scowl faded into a thoughtful look.
"This Magneto chap might cause a bit of trouble, though.
Setting a bit of a bad example, isn't he?"
"I prefer to think of it as providing an alternate viewpoint,
O Lord. Always important."
"True ...were you planning on interfering at any point,
"I thought it would be best to let them sort things
out themselves, sir. Learning experience, you know,"
Michael explained. "They do, if you leave them for long
enough. Learn, I mean."
"I'll have to take your word for that." God looked
down at the Earth, then back at the slab in His hand. "Think
those ones in bright costumes can handle him?"
"The X-Men, O Lord? They always have before. I have
high hopes for that particular group. Lots of potential,"
Michael said approvingly. "Slight tendency towards heathenism,
but we can work with that."
"Given the alternative, I don't blame them. Still, a
little show of divine support wouldn't hurt, would it? Maybe
smiting an enemy or something?"
"I doubt anyone would believe it, O God, but go ahead
if You want to." Michael leaned over to point at a particular
name. "This particular fellow's been doing a lot of damage.
Rioting, casual murders, a lot of property damage ..."
"Right. I'll smite him, then. That'll teach them."
God rubbed His hands together, squinting down at the Earth.
"That him up in front of the crowd?"
"That's him, O God. I suggest You hurry, though. There
are several snipers taking aim as I speak."
One second later, Graydon Creed spontaneously combusted as
a sign of God's displeasure. As usual, humanity completely
misinterpreted the event.
Nevertheless, despite the fact that there was war on earth,
that the air and water were polluted, that there was famine
and sickness and all manner of unpleasantness, God decided
to let things play out, and left Michael in charge, for, verily,
he did not smoke, and would not turn his back on the Earth.
Gabriel wisely chose not to argue the point, lest God should
ask about the other world that had been left in Gabriel's
care while God was resting. And Michael came to him, and did
ask of him whether God knew of what had been done on the other
world that had been left in Gabriel's care while God was resting,
and he asked thusly:
"Gabe? Did you tell him about that whole Shi'Ar Sharra
and Kythri religion thing?"
Down-Home Charm / Fan-Fiction /
Fan Artwork / History Books /
Photo Album / Songbank /
Miscellania / Links /
Legalese: Rogue, the X-Men, and the distinctive likenesses thereof
are Trademarks of Marvel Characters, Inc. and are used without permission. This is an
unofficial fansite, and is not sponsored, licensed or approved by