Disclaimer: I'm absolutely positive
that you can figure this one out on your own :)
And yet more sillyfic!
It was summer, and it was hot. In fact, it was the hottest
day in recent memory. It was the kind of day, where eggs didn't
just fry on the sidewalks, they burnt. It was so hot that
pools didn't offer much more relief than bath water. It was
the kind of day where every normal person stayed safely inside,
their butts parked on the vents as the air conditioner pumped
out as much cold air as possible.
But the X-Men weren't normal, which was why on a day hot
enough to melt spandex, they were facing the incredibly powerful
sometimes villain, sometimes good guy, but currently bad guy,
Hovering above the sweating X-Men, Magneto wondered why he
hadn't checked the weather forecast for the day. His head
felt like it was being roasted inside of his helmet. "Stand...
Stand back..." he gasped out, the air almost too thick
"No... way," Cyclops wheezed back. Sweat trickled
down his face and formed beneath his visor where it rolled
down to his lashes. Of course, he couldn't rip off his visor
and rub the sweat as he was severely tempted to. 'Damned villain!'
A slight thud caught the two men's attention, and they turned
to see Beast collapsing to the street.
"Get him out of the sun... Jean," Cyclops commanded,
forcing the words out through a dry throat. Water. He needed
Cyclops glared at Magneto, and his eyes caught on the man's
cape. It was flowing... just like water. Water... So thirsty...
"What the hell do you think I'm trying to do!"
Jean shrieked shrilly, wiping damp tendrils of hair out of
her face as she used her telekinetic power to nudge Beast's
overheated body towards some nearby shade.
Magneto began to say some villain-ish thing suitable to the
situation, and then blinked. What the hell was he doing here?!
He'd pass out from heat stroke before getting what he wanted,
"Cyclops," he said, finally giving in to the urge
to take off his helmet. He winced slightly as it burned his
fingers even through his gloves. "Why don't we take this
up later, when it's cool enough to actually think?"
Cyclops hesitated and looked towards his troops. Beast was
unconscious. Rogue was stripping. Iceman looked about ready
to melt. And he was still sweating like a pig.
"Sure. How does sometime during the fall sound?"
And with that, Magneto and the X-Men moved off towards a
nearby ice cream stand and slurped back a few friendly slushies
None of them heard The Voice. "Damn it! Now what?! They
can't leave, how's going to fight! People need to be entertained!"
And then, The Voice had an idea. If the X-Men and Magneto
wouldn't fight during the summer months, it'd find people
The Voice quickly made it's way to the Super Person's unemployment
office and scanned the room full of sweating, miserable, powerful
people until it found those who fit it's purpose.
"Hello, OneEye," The Voice addressed the slumped
over, cheap Cyclops rip-off. "How would you like to do
a little job for me? Hmmm?"
OneEye slowly looked up and surveyed The Voice through his
pink tinged visor. "What kind of job? It's hot out there,
"I want you and your teammates to replace the X-Men
during the summer months, OneEye. You, Psi-Lock, Rouge, Gambler,
Pheenix, and Furball against Magnet. It's gonna be great!
I can see it now, the passion, the drama, the fighting!"
OneEye's eyes widened in awe. "We can replace the X-Men
for a while? Wow, that's our shot at the big leagues!"
His head bobbed up and down excitedly, "Sure, Voice,
we'll do it!"
The Voice nearly purred, "I'll go get Magnet!"
"Wow," OneEye breathed, we'll make it out of the
'who the hell are they' category into the 'instant recognition
and awe' category! The others will be sooooo excited
when they hear about this!"
"Gambit," Rogue said softly, happily sipping at
her cherry slushy. "Do you see that?"
Gambit looked towards the area they had recently vacated,
the scene of their aborted battle with Magneto. "Yeah,"
he responded. He waved a nearby waitress over and ordered
another slushy for himself and Rogue.
Magneto snorted slightly, nearly choking on his own slushy
when he saw the helmeted figure with little bits of metal
stuck to him. The strange man floated up into the air and
faced the other, equally stupid looking figures.
"Cheap rip-offs?" Cyclops asked, downing his third
Jean nodded. "Yeah."
"Does that mean we get the whole summer off?" Rogue
asked, excited. "We can have an actual, honest to goodness
"Guess so," Cyclops responded.
And they had a wonderful one while the cheap rip-offs battled
equally cheap villain rip-offs.
Read the follow-up, "Summer
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