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The Charlotte Stories

Stories in this series

Decisions, Decisions"
"Never Send a Man..."
"Night before the Last Night"
"Seeing is Believing (or, eavesdroppers never 'get laid')"
"So What Did You Hear?"
"Can't Do It Alone, or So I Heard"
"An Unexpected Passion"
Why Stay Home on a Saturday Night?

X-Men belong to Marvel. Charlotte is mine. Fox and 'America's Scariest -' belongs to whoever owns the Fox Network. Red Dog Beer belongs to whoever owns it. I'm not a beer drinker, I don't keep track of those things.
Trying that Food Challenge again. I hope I'm closer this time, Maria.

Never Send a Man..

Rogue, Jean and Charlotte searched the kitchen cupboards, but came up empty.

"Y'all find anythin'?" Rogue asked from inside the pantry.

"Nothing," Jean answered from a footstool looking in the higher cupboards.

Charlotte was deep in the bottom cupboards, her backside only visible part of her. "Nothing in here."

Logan wandered in. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked, giving Charlotte's off-balanced position a considering look. He eased his foot under her and gave her a gentle push that sent her head first into the cabinet, the door closing behind her. A grin creased his face.

<You're asking for it,> she told him, the door opening and banging against another cabinet.

<I'm always askin' for it,> he tossed back at her, enjoying the sudden pinkness in her cheeks. It wasn't often he could get her to blush. His smile tickled her; she smiled back and licked her lips. His disappeared in favor of a more intense expression.

"We're lookin' for Bobby's stash," Rogue explain, wiping her forehead with a sleeve. It was hot in here, the summer day turning humid with a vengeance.

"His soda stash," Jean clarified. "We want his root beer."

"Would you happen to know where it is, babe?" Charlotte got to her feet and looked him up and down. "You going out?" He was dressed for leaving the grounds and had the car keys in his hand.

"Gonna pick some stuff up at the store," he said.

"Can we add some things to your list?" Jean asked.

"Please?" Charlotte slid her hands up his chest and around his neck. "A few things?"

"Sure, write 'em down." He leaned forward to find himself kissing empty air, the three gathered around the table and making up a list. He blew out a sigh. And they said he had no romance in his soul. They didn't count on a woman who wanted something. Or three.

After a whispered conversation and some quick editing Charlotte handed him the list. "We really appreciate it."

Logan gave them an 'I'm just a dumb man under a woman's spell' look and took it. This time he didn't let Charlotte get away without nuzzling her.

She warmed under his attention. <Hurry back? Or are you watching the 'America's Scariest Everything Marathon'?>

<We can talk 'bout that when I get back.>

Logan picked up the beer and snacks he'd gone for from the list the men gave him for their TV marathon. They'd blocked out the whole evening to watch 'America's Scariest Everything'. None of the women had shown any interest in joining them so they were going all out for it. Bishop had yet to experience one of Fox's specials, they were looking forward to initiating him into 20th century culture, from a man's point of view.

He pulled the women's list out of his pocket and read it over twice. Never could read Rogue's writing -- she wrote with an accent. He could make out 'beer' but the word in front of it was a blur. It started with an 'R'.

He looked at the selection in the cold case, then spotted it. Red Dog Beer.

Logan made a face, but picked up a twelve pack anyway. The stuff tasted like watered-down punch to him, but whatever the darlins' wanted...

The next item was easier. One gallon vanilla ice cream.

He might wonder why they'd want beer and ice cream, but he wasn't going to question it. They could be downright touchy if he tried to second-guess them.

Bishop was in the kitchen when he got back. He looked at the items Logan hauled in with interest. "These things are necessary for watching television?" he questioned.

"Not just TV, for marathon TV. There's a difference. Where'd the women go?"

"Upstairs getting ready for something called a hen party." He looked puzzled for a moment. "What exactly is that?"

Logan chuckled and set the ice cream and the Red Dog Beer on the counter. "That's our cue to stay outta the way for a while. They get together an' yak it up 'bout women stuff."

"What sort of women stuff?"


The security officer looked more confused than ever. "They require ice cream and beer for this? They did say something about 'floats'."

"They must be makin' beer floats, can't think of why they'd want beer 'stead of root beer," he shrugged. "Here, make yerself useful an' start scoopin' ice cream into some glasses."

Bishop did as he was asked, still wondering about the 'women stuff'. He'd have to ask a woman about it, clearly the men didn't have a clue. Maybe it was just one more way the women kept the men in line, there did seem to be quite a few tactics they used.

Once that was done, Logan opened the beer and poured it in on top of the ice cream, careful to not let the foam overflow the glasses. With a flourish he set them all inside the freezer and put the extra beer in the fridge, feeling like he'd earned whatever reward thoughtful husbands got for being considerate. Maybe he'd offer suggestions.

He and Bishop took the rest of the supplies into the rec room where the men had gathered.

"'Bout time," Remy said.

"Yeah, well, next time y'go an' get all this stuff." Logan cracked open a beer and sat back with a sigh on the couch.

Charlotte appeared in the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt, fellas. Logan, what did you do with our stuff?" They'd looked in the fridge and didn't find the root beer.

"In the freezer, already made 'em for ya," he answered, still focused on the show.

She went back to the kitchen. "He says they're in the freezer."

Jean opened it up and found the glasses. "How thoughtful," she said, handing them all around. "I've had a real craving for root beer floats."

"Me, too," Rogue said, getting a spoon and taking a bite. Her face twisted into a yuck expression and she spit it out in the sink.

Jean and Charlotte took careful tastes. "Beer. He made them with beer!"

Betsy prudently chose not to sample hers.

Ororo entered, with Bishop behind her. She had a rather strange look on her face.

"Bishop has asked what sort of, I believe the phrase was 'women stuff', we discuss at a 'hen party'?"

"Oh really?" Jean smiled. She handed her a float. <Taste.>

Ororo's face paled.

"Let us tell you about a hen party," Jean told Bishop. "Have a seat."

Bishop sat down and watched the faces of the women who gathered around him. This didn't look good. They looked dangerous. He suppressed a shiver and nodded attentively, the only safe thing he knew to do.

Twenty minutes later he returned to the rec room, a dazed expression in his eyes.

"Hey, Bish, you okay?" Bobby asked. He'd never seen Bishop look quite
so shaken.

Bishop nodded slowly. "The women explained 'hen party' to me." He turned to Logan. "It was nice knowing you."

"Oh, Logan, sweetheart, could you come out here for a moment?" Charlotte's voice was sweetness and light. Every man in the room was immediately suspicious.

"Ah, homme, doan' know what you did, but I'm sorry to see you go," Remy said. "Better you den me."

They all had to agree with that.

Ten minutes later Logan came back, looking a little green around the edges. The men all looked at him, waiting.

He just shook his head, five 'beer' floats sloshing around inside him, making him a little dizzy. "Don't ask," he told them. Next time he'd be damned if he'd just take a list, he'd take one of them.

"Any one see my keys," he asked, "gotta go pick somethin' up."



For those who might not know, Fox Network airs specials every so often, 'America's Scariest Police Chases, (with numerous sequels), When Animals Attack, (again, numerous sequels), Most Spectacular Accidents, and so on ... Considered entertainment here on the West coast. So's a lot of other things best left unmentioned.


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