Disclaimer: All Characters except
Robin and Ian belong to Marvel, but sometimes I don't like,
what they do with them! That's why I wrote this fanfic. I'm
not earning any money with it (pity), so don't sue me! I decided
to start this chapter with a songtext. It's 'If I could turn
back time' by Cher (by HER, not by ME, I'm not earning any
money of this song either!!!! Lawd, Ah hate disclaimers!),
because I think it fits in this one.
Note: I come from Germany, so it's very hard for me,
to write a story in English. So please excuse the style. I
sent this story to my friend Cat (I don't have a homepage
myself). I hope, she'll correct some of my mistakes. Thanks,
Okay, lets start with the story. It's set after #350. I hope
you'll enjoy it.
Comments to: KazeRogue@hotmail.com,
flames to someone else.
Gamble of Life
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back all the words that have hurt you
And you'd stay
I don't know why I did the things I did
I don't know why I said the things I said
Pride's like a knife, it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes
I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't wanna see you go
I know I made you cry
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back all the words that have hurt you
And you'd stay
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me like you used to do
If I could turn back time
My world was shattered
I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife
And drove it deep in my heart
When you walked out that door
I swore I didn't care
But I lost everything darling
Then and there
Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong
I know that I was blind
If I could turn back time...
Cher, "If I Could Turn Back Time"
Rogue sat on the roof. Since Gambit had returned from Antarctica,
she felt a bit 'uneasy' in the X-Mansion. Both of them made
big efforts to not meet too often, but the memory of her behavior
towards him in the Antarctica was always on her mind. And
her bad conscience was eating her up.
She couldn't remember why she had been so furious that she
had condemned the man she loved. She had the feeling, that
she had been out of her body on that damned day at the trial.
Like a guest in her own mind, who had no control of what she
had said and done.
But that wasn't an excuse for her behavior, so she didn't
dare to look in Remy's eyes. And he didn't seem to have any
interest in meeting her either.
Rogue sighed and watched the sun set on the horizon. The
roof was the only place in the X-Mansion, where she could
get some space and peace.
Suddenly, she heard somebody open the window beneath her.
She winced and turned around to face the disturber. When she
saw reddish brown hair, she winced again. Remy. The handsome
face showed up between the window frame and he swung his legs
outside. When he looked up and his mysterious red on black
eyes met her emerald ones, he stiffened. He looked down at
her with a stony face.
"Sorry. Didn't wanta disturb ya."
"Nevah mind, sugah. Ah was about to leave raht now."
She gently rose in the air and flew towards the setting sun.
Her auburn hair glowed like fire in the reddish golden light.
Remy watched her leaving with painful eyes. His heart constricted
when he remembered her cold behavior towards him since he
came back home. Home? He has always been a restless thief,
nowhere at home. That had changed when he had joined the X-Men.
But was the X-Mansion his home? No! But why had he returned
there? For the same reason he had stayed there, which wasn't
his nature. Rogue. Always Rogue. Since he had first met her,
since he had fallen in love with her, his home was where she
She was the only good thing in his life, without her, he
was nothing. And now, she has left him. Her image in Antarctica,
when she had condemned him, came to his mind. He shuddered.
He knew, he hadn't deserved her forgiveness, he hadn't deserved
that wonderful woman. He wasn't good enough for her, and she
had always been too ignorant to realize that, to realize that
he was a 'real bad guy'.
But the trial had changed that. Now, she knew him, and that
meant, she hated him. He realized that whenever they met.
He sighed again and sat down on the roof, his head buried
in his hands.
Mebbe it's time for dat ol' cajun ta move on.
Rogue tried to fight down the tears. She couldn't bear his
cold behavior towards her. That terrible way he had looked
at her with narrowed eyes. She had betrayed him. She had sworn
him her eternal love, and then she had rejected him.
Bitterness and self-hatred rose in her. Her eyes were flooded
with tears. She lost her balance and tried to keep herself
in the air, but failed. Blind of tears, she crashed into a
tree and fell down through several branches and twigs.
She landed on her back and groaned.
She stood up, leaned against the tree she just had crashed
into and buried her head in her hands.
"You okay, kid?"
Rogue winced and hurried to wipe away the tears.
"Yeah, Logan. Ah'm fine."
The short Canadian watched her skeptically and looked her
hardly in the eyes. Rogue felt the tears return and broke
down sobbing, sliding down at the tree she just had leaned
She sat on the floor, arms wrapped around her legs, forehead
resting on her knees.
Logan sat down next to her and tried to comfort her, to calm
her. Rogue knew, that he hadn't appreciated her decision in
Antarctica to leave Remy there. Logan had forgiven the Cajun
his sins in the past as soon as he had realized that gumbo
Rogue lifted her head.
"Logan, Ah need ta talk 'bout what happened in Antarctica."
Remy stood in front of his wardrobe and threw his clothes
in the duffel bag on his bed. He walked around in his room
and searched for things he might had forgotten. His glance
fell on the framed picture of him and Rogue on his bedside
table. He slowly sat down on his bed, the picture in his hand.
It showed them both in happier times: They stood in front
of the X-Mansion, wide smiles on their faces. She leaned her
head against his shoulder, and he glanced down at her, his
eyes full of love.
Remy sighed, put the picture at the top of his clothes and
shut the bag.
Time ta realize dat dese days are over.
Rogue had finished her story, and sat now very quiet, looking
at her feet. Logan broke the silence and sighed:
"Well, kid, nice story. But what are yer gonna do now?"
Rogue glared at him, confused.
"What do ya mean?"
"Well, gumbo don't look very happy 'round here anymore. Ya
know, you're his only salvation, the only one that could make
him forget his past. Give him back your love, and you'll give
him back his life."
Rogue glanced at him incredulous.
"No," she whispered. "How could Ah pretend nothing happened.
It's nevah gonna be lahk it was."
She stood up, tears in her eyes, and rose in the air. "NEVAH!",
she yelled, and - disappeared.
Logan sighed again, turned around and walked towards the
mansion. He was just about to enter, when he heard the sound
of a Harley. He turned around again to see Gambit sitting
on his motorcycle, a duffel bag on his back. Logan headed
"Hey, gumbo. Wanna go for a ride?"
Gambit turned around to face him. Logan shuddered at the
sight of his painful face.
"Non, mon ami. T'ink it's time fer me ta move on. Left a
letter fer de ot'ers."
"And what about Rogue?"
Remy winced and the look on his face became even more painful.
"Well, don't t'ink de femme's gonna mourn fer me, hein?!"
"I don't think so. I had a little conversation with her.
Maybe it's time for you two to sort some things out."
Rogue threw herself on her bed and sobbed loudly. She grabbed
her teddy bear and hugged it.
Logan just doesn't understand. How could Ah dare ta look
Remy in the eyes aftah what Ah said and did in Antarctica?
After some more tears, she made a decision. She had to leave
the X-Men. It just wasn't fair to force Remy to live in the
mansion with her. She stood up, opened her wardrobe and pulled
out her clothes. All of them landed in a great mess on her
bed - and next to it - but she didn't care.
When her wardrobe was empty, she walked towards her shelf.
Her glance fell on the framed picture of Remy and her, that
stood there. It was the same that stood on his bedside table.
She took it in her hands and slid to the ground, the picture
pressing to her chest.
As she sat on the floor, uncontrollable sobbing and crying,
she heard a gentle knock on the door. She decided to ignore
it. But whoever stood outside her room, he wouldn't give up.
"Go away!", she yelled. "Ah don't wanna see no one."
She heard fainting footsteps and continued her crying and
sobbing till there were no more tears to shed.
Remy walked out of the mansion and slammed the door shut.
He was seething with rage, mixed with sadness. The way she
had rejected him when he had stood in front of her door, wanting
to talk to her for the very last time, made him want to crunch
some heads. Especially an auburn / white one. But he knew,
how angry he may be, he could never do anything that harms
her, he loved her too much. Desperately, he punched his fist
against the wall of the mansion and leaned his forehead against
Why de hell is dat femme so cold towards me?
He sighed and shook his head. Well, at least that strengthens
his decision to leave. Firmly, he got on his Harley, started
up the engine and drove out of the mansion - ground, trying
to ignore the tears that flooded his eyes.
Rogue sniffed. She had calmed down and decided that it was
about time to talk with Remy, to sort some things out. But
she knew, she wasn't able to restart their relationship. Too
many things had happened in the past. But she could offer
him a friendship. Platonic, of course. She took a deep breath
and walked out of her room. Downstairs in the hall, she met
"Hi sugah. Have ya seen Remy?"
"I thought he was with ya. He wanted to talk to you."
Oh mah gawd. It had been Remy knocking on mah door. And
Ah rejected him once again. Good work, Roguie!
Without another word, she ran out of the mansion to search
for him, Logan followed her.
"His Harley has disappeared. So gumbo decided to leave the
Rogue's face turned white. "No", she whispered.
"Maybe you can still catch him if you hurry."
Rogue didn't listen. Desperately she stared into space, unable
to move or to think about anything but that Remy had left
her. Logan growled and extended his claws in front of her
face. Rogue winced in shock and stepped back, eyes wide.
"So you're listening now, kid, aren't ya?"
Rogue nodded slowly. Eyes still wide. Logan sighed.
"Well, gumbo can't be far yet. If ya hurry, ya can still
catch him. It's up to YOU now. Bring him back."
Rogue stared at him and realized that he was right. Tears
flooded her eyes as she gently rose in the air, although she
had thought her eyes ought to be as dry as the desert after
all the tears she had shed recently.
"Thank ya, Logan.", she whispered. Then she flew towards
the street, where she could probably find the love of her
Logan watched her until she had disappeared. Then he turned
around and headed for the mansion. "Kids!" he growled.
Rogue was desperate. She flew high above Salem Center, but
she couldn't see Remy nowhere. She didn't even know the direction
he headed to. Then, she came to a junction and landed in front
of the street sign. Which direction should she choose?
Well, it was a gamble, and she had lived long enough together
with the Cajun and had absorbed enough of his mind to be a
gambler! She remembered an evening when the X-Men had played
It hadn't been one of her luckiest days, so she had opted
out soon, like most of the others. At least, only Remy and
Sam 'Cannonball' Gutherie had remained. Remy had worn his
coldest stoniest Pokerface, and even she hadn't been able
to read beyond this facade. Sam had taken two new cards and
by the glow in his eyes, Rogue had realized that these two
cards had been good ones.
Remy's turn. He had taken only one new card, but he hadn't
even looked at it. Everyone had looked at this card, that
had lain face-down and untouched on the table, and hold his
breath. Remy had just stared in Sam's eyes and ignored the
By the time, Sam had gotten more and more nervous, until
he suddenly had shouted: "Take this damned card." Remy's answer
had been easy: "Nope."
"Well, your problem. But how do ya wanna top my 'full house'
with a card you don't even know?", Sam had said and lain down
two kings and three queens. With a grin, he had grabbed the
chips that had lain on the middle of the table, but Remy had
held his arm before he could have bagged them.
"One moment, mon ami. De game ain't yet over." He had leaned
back in his chair and had looked at the three cards in his
hand. He had taken the first one, always holding Sam's glance,
and had thrown it slowly on the table. Ten of spades. Even
more slowly, the next one had followed. Jack of spades. Then,
queen of spades. Remy added the fourth, king of spades.
Everyone had held his breath and had stared at the last,
untouched card in front of Remy. The Cajun had taken it, with
closed eyes. He had lifted it in front of his face, The others
had only been able to see it's back. Tension rose in the room.
Then, Remy had opened his eyes and had glared on the remaining
card in his hands. He had had sighed and his chin had fallen
down on his chest.
Everyone else in the room had sighed, too. Suddenly he had
looked up, so that his mysterious red-on-black eyes had met
Rogue's emerald ones. Rogue had realized a spark in the corner
of his eye. Then, he had grinned and thrown the remaining
card on the table. Ace of spades! Everyone had been shocked,
but nobody had dared to ask Remy how he had done this, not
even Rogue or Storm. It had always remained his secret.
Rogue didn't even notice that she smiled while remembering
this evening. Weird! she thought. Then she remembered
that she had to solve a problem. She looked up to the street
sign again and frowned. She hated decisions. She closed her
Okay, imagine ya're a Cajun on yoah Harley. Ya left yoah
home and ya're wonderin' whatta do. Which direction would
Rogue smiled and opened her eyes. Her glance fell on the
sign again and she chose the direction she thought Remy would
choose. She rose in the air and sped away like a rocket.
Remy was deep in thought. Maybe that's not very good when
you're driving 130 mph, but he didn't care. Not anymore. Images
of Rogue flooded his mind and told the development of their
relationship. Images, where she was loving towards him and
images, where she was... well, not as loving towards him.
He was so distracted by the memories that he didn't realize
the auburn/white haired flying girl, that approached from
But he did so as soon as she had doubled him and landed in
front of him, blocking his way. He hardly managed to brake
soon enough to not crash into her. His front wheel smoked
as it stopped a few inches in front of Rogue's slender legs.
Remy got off his Harley angrily.
"Es-tu folle? I could've hurt ya, girl!"
He stared at her and Rogue saw anger in his eyes. But she
also saw his fear, fear to hurt her.
He is worried 'bout me. That's a good sign, she thought,
walked over to his Harley and lifted it from the floor.
"What do ya t'ink ya're doin' 'ere, chère?", Remy said while
grabbing her arm. Rogue turned around and glared at him, an
unreadable expression on her face.
"Time ta talk, sugah", she said, wheeled the Harley to a
meadow next to the road and leaned it against a tree. Remy
had no other choice but following her.
Women!!! he thought enervated.
Rogue sat on the grass, waiting. Remy stopped in front of
her and stared her in the eyes.
"Well?" he asked, losing patience.
Rogue sighed and tapped on the floor next to her. Remy sat
down there and watched her. She thought a few seconds, searching
for the right words, then started:
"Well, uhm... Actually, Ah wanted ta... ta talk 'bout what
happened between us recently. Ah... Ah think there's no reason
why y'all should leave the X-Men. Because... because that's
something between us, the others ain't concerned."
Remy still watched her. The whole time, while she had spoken,
struggling for words, she hadn't dared to look him in the
eyes. And now, she looked at her feet, waiting for him to
say something. But he said nothing, his glance fixed on her
profile, lost in thoughts. After a few minutes, Rogue pulled
herself together and looked up to face him.
"Well, whattaya think?", she asked, raising an eyebrow at
the sight of his thoughtful, dreaming state. He seemed to
wake up and looked her in the eyes, seeming to search something
inside of them.
"I t'ink dat I don' belong ta de X-Men any longer."
Rogue's mouth fell open. "What are y'all saying? Of course
y'all are an X-Men! Y'all fought with us the last years. Yoah
past is yoah past, neither yoah present nor yoah future. Lawd
knows Ah did some bad things when Ah was young, too. But Ah
changed sides, lahk y'all."
Remy smiled sadly, thinking about her words. His past hasn't
been the major reason for his leaving, but Rogue. But now,
she talked to him again. He knew that it wouldn't ever be
the same again between them, but he also knew, that he still
loved her, would always do.
"Bien, chère, I will come home wit' ya."
They both grinned at each other till they realized that there
was still something to sort out, their relationship. Both
of them looked down at the floor again, not knowing what to
say. Rogue knew it was up to her to start.
"Remy?", she said with a shy voice. He looked up. "Friends?"
she extended her right hand and looked at him uncertainly.
He looked her hard in the eyes and Rogue felt nervousness
rising inside of her at the sight of his scaring red-on-black
eyes. Suddenly he grinned and took her hand in his right one.
"Sure t'ing , chère."
Rogue sighed relieved and smiled at him. Remy looked at his
"Well, chère, if we wanna be at home for dinner, we have
When they drove back to the X-Mansion on the Harley, they
both thought about how the situation had changed - improved!!!-
since that morning. Maybe it wasn't perfect, but it was a
Continued in Chapter
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