Summary: Humor, sexual situations.
What if Gambit's charm powers were as much a curse as a blessing?
Archive: As often as possible, wherever you like.
When Remy woke, he had no idea that anything was wrong.
He was, after all, in his own bed, in his own room, in Professor
Xavier's mansion. The sun was shining, birds were peacefully
chirping outside his room, and Scott Summers had not yet come
barging in to drag him away from a Danger Room session.
Everything was just fine.
That confident attitude lasted until he was showered and
shaved, dressed, and out the door.
Or, almost out. Rogue stood on the other side of the door,
fist poised to knock. She paused for a second, took in that
Remy was fully dressed and then threw herself into his arms,
slamming the door behind her.
He caught her automatically, not at all displeased to have
the object of his affections touching him. "What be de
"Oh, Remy. Ah'm in love with Joseph. Ah-- Ah couldn't
keep it from you any longer."
Gambit stiffened. "Den maybe you don't belong here no
more, p'tite. De man not going to be happy dat you in here
She looked up at him, tears enlarging her already large,
dewy eyes. "But that's it, sugah. Ah..." she blushed.
"We made love. I touched him!"
"T'anks for telling me dat," Remy said in a tone
just to one side of sarcastic, trying to let go of her. She
clung to him, making his task difficult. "I 'ppreciate
you letting me know."
"You don't understand. Now that Ah've touched Joseph,
Ah realize that Ah was just being shallow with you, Remy.
I can have sex with you -- I just can't touch you with my
bare skin. That's not a problem."
"Uh..." he was beginning to have difficulty thinking
with his brain. "Dat's nice, Rogue, but..."
"But nothing, sugah! I can have sex now, and I want
to have it with you. Right now."
Suddenly, all the justifications and excuses and arguments
he'd been mounting seemed irrelevant. "If dat's de way
you feel about it..."
"Ah do." She fluttered her eyelashes at him. "And
Ah know it won't bother you that I'm dating Joseph now, 'cause
you've always been such a flirt, Remy LeBeau."
Two hours and a short nap later, Remy woke again. This time,
the sun seemed a little too bright, and the birds a little
He was in his own bed, in his own room, and he'd made love
to Rogue for the first time. Everything should be just fine.
It wasn't. Rogue was already gone, flitting back to the man
she had declared "mah one true love", and he was
alone, relationship over, with the peculiar feeling that Rogue
had never thought that he was serious about her at all. The
way she'd kissed him when she left said that, as had her,
"This is mah way of thanking you for being nice to me
all this time, Remy."
He felt like he'd just been stripsearched by a mall security
guard. Remy showered again, got dressed, and went looking
Or tried to, at any rate. Jean stood on the other side of
the door, fist poised to knock.
"What seems to be de matter?" Remy asked, relieved
that she wasn't Rogue. He needed some time to think before
he saw her again.
"Can I come in?"
He nodded, stepped back, and let her into the room.
She closed the door softly behind her, and then came to him,
staring earnestly up into his eyes. "I-- I don't know
how to say this, Remy, so I'm just going to say it, and hope
that I don't shock you. Scott and I have been having problems.
I needed someone to be with, and I hoped that you..."
She touched his chest tentatively.
"Moi?" he asked, surprised. "Is dis a joke?"
She laughed, which surprised him even more. "Because
I know you won't take this seriously. You flirt with everyone
-- and if what I've caught on the edges of your mind is representative,
you don't stop there -- or are you going to try to tell me
that your reputation isn't true?"
Remy was beginning to wonder just what kind of reputation
he had, that women would leave their lovers and throw themselves
at him. "But Scott--"
She had her hands under his shirt. "I've got our bond
shielded against him. And you won't bring this up, will you?
It's not like you'd take this seriously, after
"And what if I did?" he challenged her. "What
if Gambit say, 'Scott, I love your wife and Remy wan' her
for his own?'"
Jean laughed again. "That's funny, Remy. You've got
a great sense of humor. Now kiss me."
An hour later, Remy stared up at his ceiling from his prone
position on his bed. Having a telepath/telekinetic involved
in lovemaking had sped up the process. He squirmed, thinking
about the things that Jean could do. Scott was a lucky man.
And he was starting to feel oppressed. What was going on?
He knew he liked women -- and apparently, so did everyone
else -- and liked to have sex with them. But that was perfectly
normal male behavior. So why had he been propositioned twice
in one day?
He sighed, got up, took a shower, dressed, and then looked
suspiciously at the door. Nothing happened. There was no knock,
and he relaxed, opening it.
Jubilee looked up. "Hey, Gumbo! I was just about to
pick the lock."
"Oh," she said, snapping her gum. "Well, that
explains it. Listen, can I talk to you?"
Remy considered the request. All right, so Rogue and Jean
had both propositioned him. That could almost be called a
trend. But it could just be coincidence. And what harm could
Jubilee cause? She was only fifteen, and he was hardly
the kind of man who got involved with children. "Sure,
They entered his room, and he sat down on the bed. "So
what did you want t'talk to Remy about?"
She folded her arms, shifting her weight uncomfortably from
foot to foot. "Just this -- do you think I'm attractive?"
Uh oh. "Why you wan' t'know, chere?"
"'Cause, like, I want to know, okay?" she said
defiantly. "And you're the only one I can ask. I can't
ask Wolvie, and all Jean or Betsy'll say is that I should
wait 'til I get older to worry about my looks, and stuff about
how being beautiful is really on the inside -- which I know
means that they think I'm not very pretty, and like,
well, you're the guy."
"Y'know," she said impatiently, gesturing at him.
"The womanizer. The flirt. The man with the plan."
At any other time, Remy might have taken this as a compliment.
Right at the moment, he was feeling threatened. "If Remy
tell you what he t'ink, den you go away?"
He sighed. "P'tite, Remy t'ink dat you very cute for
your age, and dat you only going t'get more beautiful as you
She squealed, and launched herself at him, taking him off-guard
and spilling him backwards on the bed. Straddling his chest,
she pressed kisses on his face. "Thank you, thank you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's every said to me."
"You're welcome, 'tite," Remy said, struggling
to get up. "Now maybe you t'ink dat you go like you promise
Remy you would?"
She stopped kissing random spots on his face to pout. "You
don't really want me to go, do you?"
Gambit thought that 'hell, yes' might be a bit too strong
under the circumstances. He didn't really want her bursting
into tears. "Remy t'ink dat it for de best. And you did
"Yeah..." she said slowly, then kissed him again,
this time on the mouth. Springing up, she called, "Thank
you!" again, and ran out the door.
Remy laid there for a long moment after Jubilee left, contemplating.
At least she left, he thought. Dat could've gotten
Feeling slightly ashamed of himself, and definitely unsettled,
he stood up. This was more than he could handle. He didn't
like the picture of himself he was getting from the mansion's
female residents. Which meant that he had to have gone insane,
as 'sex toy' was the kind of image that a normal man was supposed
to fantasize about. Right?
A knock came at the door.
Paling, Remy stepped back. Not again. Was there some sort
of graffiti in the bathroom that said, "For a good time,
see Remy LeBeau"? Not that he minded feminine attention,
but he was getting tired of not being taken seriously.
On the other hand, he couldn't hide in his room forever.
Nervously anticipating the visitor on the other side of the
door, he opened it.
Wolverine stood there, hands on his hips, wearing a soft,
mostly unbuttoned, flannel shirt and jeans. No boots.
Remy slammed the door. "Go away!" he yelled, before
grabbing a bag lying on the floor of his room. He started
shoving clothes into it, and odds and ends. "Gambit not
here! Gambit not goin' t'be here de rest of de day! You can
go find someone else t'have sex with!"
He felt the door opening. Warily, Remy looked up, sock in
hand. Without thinking, he charged it. "You stay 'way
from me, Logan. Not goin' t'do this wit' you."
Wolverine regarded him curiously. "I was just gonna
ask if ya wanted ta reschedule tonight. I gotta go into town."
Tonight? Remy's imagination inserted a picture of
Logan holding him down while he pounded himself into him,
before his memory could remind him that he'd bet Logan last
night that he could beat him at darts down at the local bar.
"Oh. Dat," he said weakly, uncharging the sock and
letting it drop. Remy forgot 'bout dat. Whatever you wan'.
We can do dat later."
Wolverine nodded. "So, what were ya sayin' about you
and me havin' sex?"
Down-Home Charm / Fan-Fiction /
Fan Artwork / History Books /
Photo Album / Songbank /
Miscellania / Links /
Legalese: Rogue, the X-Men, and the distinctive likenesses thereof
are Trademarks of Marvel Characters, Inc. and are used without permission. This is an
unofficial fansite, and is not sponsored, licensed or approved by