Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.
"You're the best person I know.
"Don't let that give you a big head or nothing, I know some pretty awful people. And it's not like I've ever thought you were perfect, or anything. I mean, Jesus, if there's anyone who knows exactly how perfect you're not, it's me.
"I've seen you at your worst. I think maybe I'm the only one who has. And vice versa, of-course, but we're not talking about me, don't want this to get depressing. And anyway, lots of people have seen me at my worst. I'm generous with my bad qualities. I share them with practically everyone I meet. Not you though, you're all, um, frugal and shit. with your shit.
"um. that's not -- frugal -- that's not the word I was thinking... well. Whatever.
"But yeah, so. I've seen you when you're not being the mild mannered scientist, the loyal friend, the courageous hero. I've seen you drunk, and mad, and petty, and selfish, and you can be a complete asshole, I just wanted you to know that.
"I wanted you to know that I know that.
"And you're arrogant. You think you can save the world, single-handed. What's more, you think it's your responsibility. And maybe you've got everyone else fooled, but I know you, and I know damn well that if someone else got there first, beat you to the cure - you'd secretly be incredibly pissed. You'd feel cheated, you'd be thinking, 'hey, that was my planet to save! I was gonna do that!' Only, y'know, in bigger words.
"Admit it. You want it to be you. It would just kill you if it was someone else.
"Of-course, you'd feel incredibly guilty as well, about feeling that way. You do guilt better than you let on. Self-pity too. Which I was never as sympathetic about as maybe I could've been, cos, well, I like the fur. I think it suits you. I think it's nice. Actually, I can hardly remember what you looked like without it, now. When I see photos of you back then, I always think you look weird. Kinda naked.
"I think it's probably just as well I never told you that one. I can only imagine what expression you'd have on your face, but I bet it would be one those sarcastic ones you pretend you don't have. When you so do. And that fucking thing with the eyebrow raising too, thank you very fucking much Mr Spock...
"Anyway. Well. I was gonna say, you can get pretty self- absorbed, too. But now I'm thinking that for me to point that out would be a bit of a pot/kettle thing. So I won't.
"But I'm thinking it.
"... You never treat me like I'm stupid. I mean, I know I'm no intellectual giant, and hell, pretty much everyone is kinda intellectually challenged compared to you, but you -- you were always the only one who didn't buy it when I played DumbBobby. You never called me on it, but you never bought it either. You tell me stuff, about your work, or whatever, and just assume I'll understand it. Occasionally, I even do. I think just being friends with you for the last ten years must have raised my IQ about 20 points. Osmosis, or something.
"You're the only one who wouldn't blink to hear me use a word like osmosis.
"You're the only one who laughs at all my jokes. Which is a fair trade, I laugh at yours, even the ones I don't get.
"Even the ones about nuclear physicists, and relativity theory, and I'm sorry, but I didn't even know there were jokes about that, before I met you. And I kinda wish there really weren't, because none of them are funny...
"But nothing much is very funny right now, I guess.
"...Of-course, everyone was in and out of here a lot, at the start. Talking to you, crying over you. Bet you hated that. I mean, it's all very well for you to lecture on how it's really very healthy and not, despite modern attitudes towards the public expression of emotion by the male of the species, unnatural at all -- but you're a guy. An unnaturally well-balanced one, maybe, but still just a guy. When people start crying, you start looking for somewhere to hide, same as me.
"Your parents were here too. Man, I really just love your parents. Your mom talked to me a but, but I wasn't paying attention. I probably should've been ... I'll have to apologise to her later, I didn't mean to be rude.
"I'm not sure if they're still here. I haven't seen them for awhile. I would've thought they'd stay.
"Probably they're just getting some sleep. It's kinda late.
"And Cecelia was here again, giving me the talk. You know, she actually does have a pretty good bedside manner, when she uses it. She explained all these fancy machines to me, and told me what they're called, and what they do, like she thought I really wanted to know. I nodded vaguely and ignored her, I know enough about them already -- there's the beep beep machine, and the shh shpt shh machine, and the xmas-tree machine with the lights. Plus a whole bunch of tubes and leads and stuff. And a few needles, which I've been trying not to look at.
"I always thought it was funny that you were afraid of needles.
"I don't think anyone knows about that except me.
"But Cece wouldn't shut up, you know how she is, she never does when she's got something to say. I kinda admire that about her, actually, even if she is irritating the hell out of me right now. But you know, I don't wanna upset her -- she's pretty upset already --, so I nod while she goes through all this shit again, tells me how they're all that's keeping you here, and that your parents have given her permission to turn them off, and that you have a living will, did I know that?
"And of-course I tell her, if she'd looked at it a little more closely she'd have noticed that I'd witnessed the damn thing, and that I have power of attorney, and that the only person who can decide when to turn this shit off is me.
"And then I tell her to go away.
"She goes; I told you, she can be pretty tactful when she wants to be...
"`Course, they didn't stay away long.
"Reyes was gone maybe ten minutes before Jeannie came in. She was calm at first, told me she understood, she knew how I felt -- but then she started in on the lecture too. I kinda thought she'd understand, I mean, with how she is about Scott and everything. I know she still thinks he's alive, even though she doesn't talk about it anymore. But she kept saying you were gone, just gone, and you wouldn't ever want to live like this, and I was scaring everyone, and why was I doing this to everyone, and, well, then she got a bit hysterical. Started crying, and sorta screaming at me, and then she tried to turn the machines off herself and I had to throw her out.
"It was nice to see her again though.
"You know. Apart from that.
"So then there was Logan. He was kinda pissed. Apparently I broke Jean's arm. I really didn't mean to do that, but I'm sure she'll be fine. It'll give Cecelia something to do, anyway. And maybe it'll make Red sit still and calm down a bit. You think?
"But you know how Logan is when he's angry -- loud, self- righteous little bastard. I had to throw him out too. Picked him up by all the water in his body and tossed him out the door. He looked so fucking surprised I almost laughed. It's pretty cool that it worked though, I've been wanting to try that for awhile. Of-course, I couldn't do it to someone without a healing factor. Probably it would kill them, so, you know, doubt I'll get much use out of it...
"And then -- then there was -- Warren.
"Warren's the only one who seems to get it. Who seems to -- I thought he was going to try and talk me into -- talk to me, as well, when he came in.
"But I guess Warren knows about not letting go.
"He just stood there and watched me for a while. and then he put his hand over ours, and said he'd keep the others from trying anything until I was ready; that I could hold on for as long as I needed to. He said he didn't think you'd mind.
"I don't think you'd mind either.
"So he sat with you for a while, and sent me off to go to the bathroom and stuff. I wouldn't trust many of the others alone with you now, but Warren wouldn't do anything. Not if he said he wouldn't. So I got a little bit cleaned up, which was nice. And then I thought I'd get something to eat, but there was like, a wake or something being held in the kitchen. I dunno why it is, but whenever something happens, everyone always ends up in the kitchen.
"Maybe cos that's where the coffee is.
"But as soon as I walk in, it goes all silent. Felt like I was in a Western or something for a second there, Big Mean Bob walks into the saloon and everyone dives under the table ... But instead, I just get these looks. Kinda sad, and hopeless, and frightened ... I guess Jean really meant it, I am scaring them. I don't mean to, but --
"They seem to think I don't know that you're dead.
"They seem to think I'm waiting for you to wake up. In denial. Hoping for a miracle or something.
"But I don't believe in miracles anymore Blue, I think maybe we all exceeded our quota, a while back. Because I know you're dead. I know I'm sitting here, having a conversation with a dead body. I know the only reason your chest moves is that machine over there, and the pulse under my fingers is because of this one here - and actually, I do know the real names for all these machines, even without Cece telling me. Can't hang around a lab with a genius half your life and not pick up a few things. Osmosis. So, as it happens, I know what those readings mean.
"And I know brain-dead when I see it.
"Even if I didn't, I'd still know you weren't here. Never needed to be a telepath, to feel the way your presence changed a room. I've known you almost half my life, I know what you feel like. I know when you're around, without needing to look, to hear...
"So this is just an empty shell I'm holding on to here, like I've been told about a hundred times in the last few days; I know that. I know.
"But it's your shell Blue, and it's all I've got left, and they can say what they like about this not being what you'd want, but you left it up to me. And it wasn't just because you trusted me to make sure your wishes were carried out. That's the big lecture I keep getting, "this isn't what he'd want Bobby, he trusted you to do what's best for him, Bobby," bullshit, it's all just bullshit. You'd trust any one of them to do that, and you knew any one of them would be more capable. You knew any one of them would be less ... broken...
"If you'd just wanted someone who'd make the right decision for you, you'd have picked Charles or Jean or Scott. Ororo. Anyone.
"But you left it up to me.
"Because you knew I couldn't let go, you knew I wouldn't want to let go, and you were making sure I could hold on as long as I needed to. Like Warren said. You wouldn't mind, you'd never mind.
"You were letting me know you wouldn't mind, when you left it up to me.
"And I've really gotta thank you for that, I have to thank you so much, because I'm not done holding on yet. I love you like crazy and I'll miss you like crazy and you're the best person I've ever known and --
"I'm not ready to let go yet.
"I'm not sure when I will be.
"I'll let you know."