This story is in progress.
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Stars and Garters
Disclaimer: All except Leah belong to Marvel.
Notes: Started this a while ago, but didn't intend to post it now, (or,
indeed, ever), since I'll likely not finish it.
But Jaya told me to.
And I pretty much do anything Jaya tells me to. (Although there is, of-course,
absolutely no reason for anyone to tell her that... ;-))
So: feedback would be nice, suggestions on how the hell to continue it, or whether
I should even bother, would be even nicer.
I hope y'all get some amusement from it anyway... there's quite a good bit in
Chapter 2 ;-). (well, I laughed <g>.)
So I finally finished it. I'm sure you thought I never would - or, at
least, hoped I never would. I thought you might like to see it before
I send it off to the publishers. They're getting quite annoyed
actually, I'm a little late (yes, yes, Charles, there's no need to
roll your eyes. Don't think I can't see you.) What do you think of the
title? It's a bit melodramatic, I know, but the editor rejected all my
first choices ("Iceman Does My Taxes" was my personal favourite. But
of-course that would've given Bobby such a big head... I can't think
why she didn't go for "My Genes Don't Go With Anything", though. It
has such post-modern grace.) And you need not worry, before I send off
the first draft, all names and places will be changed to protect the
innocent. And the X-men too, dear, of-course. (I've enclosed a list of
possible alternate names for you all that I thought you might enjoy.
What are your feelings on Hiram for yourself? And can you think of
anything more humiliating than Bernard Humperdink for Bobby? Payback's
a bitch.) And of-course I suppose I will have to make some cuts, to
protect your security and so on. In fact, I'm having a bit of trouble
with _you_, Charles. You do have something of a public reputation as
an expert on mutants, and I'm afraid your true identity will become a
bit obvious, to those who travel in the right circles. I may have to
divide your role into two or three separate characters to protect you
- how do you feel about being schizophrenic? I'll give you an
abundance of hair to make up for it, if you like. "Professor Charles
X, the world's most powerful telepath, was an imposing looking man,
with a fine head of hair..." This could be your only chance to ever
see yourself described so, don't pass it up. (Note to self: is it wise
to make fun at the expense of the `world's most powerful telepath'? Or
is that Nate Grey this week, I never can keep track...)
But anyway, I thought you might like to see the original version,
before I hack it to pieces making it safe for public consumption. I
hope you enjoy it.
On second thoughts, I know you _won't_ enjoy it. I know you'll hate
But, so be it. What can you do, eh? Life's a bitch, and then someone
writes a book about it. And if you truly hate mine, well, you could
always write your own. The story of your life is something I, for one,
would give a great deal to read. Think about it Charles, there's a
Love always, to everyone,
P.S. So who do you want to play you in the movie?
It started with an explosion.
Oh, I know, I know. It's an autobiography. I'm supposed to start with "I
was born in the highlands of Scotland..." or some such, and then go on
to my childhood, my teenage years, my education, blah, blah, blah. But it's
my life, and my book, and I'll start the damn thing where I want to.
So I choose to start it with the explosion, since that, after all, is the moment
I became a mutant. Or, at least, the moment I found out about it.
So, the explosion.
(It was, I assure you, a lot more exciting in real life.)
But perhaps I should back track a little, just to put this in context. Very
well. I was twenty-five years old. Visiting America from England, on a tour
with my quartet. I was a cello player.
A cello player.
I suppose it would be funnier, all things considered, if it had been something
small and delicate like the violin, but there you are. Life is not always ironic
in the appropriate places, and I was a cello player.
The hotel I was staying in while I looked for a place to live, was not, it
must be said, of the highest quality. Actually, it was pure evil in architecture,
but it was cheap, and seeing as how I was a not very wealthy cello player, it
was good enough. You hear all sorts of horror stories about visitors in New
York, getting mugged and killed and so on - and of-course, they're almost all
true, but I was fairly lucky. I had a few nightmares about American weirdoes
breaking into my room and stealing my cello, but that was about it.
Until the day the hotel blew up.
Well, I did tell you I wanted to start with the explosion, and I'm not really
famous for my patience.
One more time then: Boom.
I had time for about half a scream before I lost consciousness.
That makes for a nice short chapter, now doesn't it?
Continued in Chapter Two