**Standard Mice Disclaimer**
Mice is in no way associated with the Marvel Comics Group. She is merely trying to write a story and this is all she has to show for it. A noble effort. Though she would one day like to be paid for writing, please don't send her any money (send mail to urmonkeyifudo@yeahright.com on instructions to send her money). The characters of Bobby Drake and Jubilee, belong to the Marvel Comics Group. Holland, Jacob, Bert, Cliff, Hollis, and Nan are of my own mind. Any archiving of this story that is unaware of her attention will be ily received (Read: Tikki Curse). If you e-mail her, explain your intentions to archive the story and address of your archive, she will be more than gracious and will probably do something nice for you, like bake you brownies, not to mention archiving the story. She just wants to know where she can drool over the sight of her name. If you want to e-mail her comments, do it at mice5k@hotmail.com. You'll also get some brownies out of the deal, but it's not really that great of a reward because she can't cook.

God ... er, Dog
by Mice

Chapter 2

Holland settled in next to her father in the parlor with a cup of coffee for him. "How long are you here for, Dad?"

Jacob smiled at his daughter and took her in his arms. "As long as you need me, Pork Chop."

Holland grinned.

Bobby resisted an urge to throw up and turned his attention to his friend. "Jubilee, you barely ate anything, are you all right?"

Jubilee squirmed. "Yeah, I just wasn't very hungry."

"I'm sorry, Ju Ju Bee--"

"It's 'Jubilee', Windmills."

"That's what I said." Holland smiled. "Anyways, I should have been more sensitive to your dietary needs."

Jubilee squinted. "Huh?

"Well, just saying that you're probably used to a more 'fish and rice' diet than 'meat and potatoes' type meal."

Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Next thing you know, she'll be trading in my fork for chopsticks..."

Holland smiled smugly. "How funny, I was just going to make that offer!"

"Good. I can use them to stick up your--" A timely hand covered the loud mouth.

"Uh, I don't think that'll be necessary, Holland," Bobby hurried in because someone was nipping at his hand.

There was silence.

Then a fork dropped.

Someone picked it up.

A "thank you" was grunted.

A barely audible "welcome" followed it.

Jacob cleared his throat to end the uncomfortable interplay. "How are you feeling, Mom?"

"Fine, Son," Nan got in before she belched. "I'm sorry, I must be a bit gassy. Chicken does that to me."

Holland clicked her heels together. "there has to be another place better than home ... there has to be--"

"Oh, Holl's a fine cook, Mom! Just like her mother." Jacob kissed his daughter's head. "Remember your Aunt Hollis's cooking, Bobby?"

Bobby nodded weakly.

"It was good," Nana interjected, then leaned to Jubilee and whispered. "That is, if you didn't give a flip about your taste buds."

Jubilee stifled a giggle.

"Now, my Maddy can cook! Have you ever had her mashed potatoes, uh, what did you say your name was, young lady?"


"Right, Billie. Well, Maddy's potatoes taste like someone just plucked some angel, peeled it, mashed it up, and put it in a bowl, they are so good."

Holland grinned through clenched teeth. "Well, I think that I oughta get Gilberto to bed ... he's had quite a busy day with his uncle coming for a visit, meeting his cousin, and Michelle Kwan ... I'll help you get into bed soon, Nana--"

"Oh, don't worry, Jacqueline, Billie can do that for you."


"Billie, would you mind?"

"Of course not, Mrs. Bass," Jubilee said cordially. "You go and take Bert to bed."

"His name is not Bert!!"

Jubilee put her hands on her hips. "You cannot expect me to call him 'Gilberto' with a straight face."

"But it's his--"

Nana got up. "Coming, Billie?"

Jubilee grinned. "Coming, Mrs. Bass."

Jubilee followed Nan to the hall, but not before she made a face at Holland.

"Dad, do you see what I go through with this family?"

Jacob gave his daughter another hug. "Holl, don't let her get to you ... she does the same to all of us, doesn't she, Bobby?"

Bobby shrugged. "Say, Pork Chop, I have an idea, why don't I help you put Gilberto to bed, okay?"

Holland nodded. "I'd like that very much, thank you Dad."

Jacob kissed the top of his daughter's head as they took Bert through the hall, leaving Bobby by himself in the parlor with an odd assortment of left over cups, saucers, and forks.

I guess most people in their life will ask, "Why me?" every once in a while.

What I don't understand why I have to ask it every fifteen minutes.

Taking care of my grandmother was never even an option; it was either I do it, or bounce over to another friend's crummy studio apartment. I figure that Gilberto is a lot better off if he hears his mother and great grandmother squabble every now and then than listening to the couple upstairs fucking every three hours.

Well, Cliff did offer to take me and Gilberto in after he heard of the problems me and Nana were having, but I didn't want to interfere with his life. He had so much going for him. He was getting such good reviews in his latest play, and he was up for a Gap commercial. I couldn't drag him down with my problems.

What really makes all of this intolerable to me is that my entire situation came from my vagina. I know everyone in the family thinks I'm a slut, but before I got pregnant, the only guy I slept with was my best friend, and that was by accident.

I barely even remember it. I was the girl who everyone said that I was going to be a virgin until I married. I was the girl who was going to wait, and I was waiting, and I was going to be good, but then I never counted on getting drunk at my friend's party, and I completely forgot that there isn't a Bass alive who can hold their liquor; we've been known to get a buzz off of the alcohol in Listerine.

One slip was all it took.

Some of my friends came up to me and began to tell me that it was "fate" and all that bull shit. I thought fate was supposed to be good and bring things that are good, and get you out of hopeless situations.

I hope they all have gonorrhea now, at the very least, pot smoking, crystal wearing, new age assholes.

But, according to their theory, it was fate that I had to get pregnant, then it wasn't Andy who got me pregnant, fate knocked me up. And unfortunately, you can't get child support from fate.

"Billie, I have to thank you for this!"

"Oh, thank me nothing! It's my pleasure."

"I ... I just never knew such a show existed!"

"Well, I know it's not the greatest show, but Diego is enough to make me want to learn Spanish, fake accent or not!"

Nan grunted. "Jacqueline never lets me watch shows like these."

Jubilee sat next to Nan on her bed. "Hey, Mrs. Bass, why do you call her Jacqueline?"

Nan looked around. "Well, Billie, I'll tell you a secret that I'm sure you'll believe, but you have to promise never to tell anyone..."

Jubilee leaned in. "I promise."

"All right then." Nan drew closer to Jubilee. "Her name is stupid."

"I'll buy that."

Nana relaxed. "The girl is named after a country that doesn't even have that name anymore! If that's not a sign that it's a stupid name..."

Jubilee nodded. "So, you just gave her a new name?"

Nan nodded back. "I can be proud of a Jacqueline, I can only laugh at a Holland."

Jubilee grinned. "So, what do you call Gilberto?"

"The boy's name is Albert, though I do like the name Bert ... that's what Robert has been calling him."

"And you call me Billie, because...?" Nan smiled.

"To be frank, I think your parents were smoking the pot when they thought of the name 'Jubilee'."

"Actually, it's Jubilation. My last name is Lee ... it's kind of a nickname."

Nan sniffed. "Pot takers."

Jubilee raised her arms in defense. "Hey, I'm not saying that the name isn't stupid ... I like the nickname, though."

Nan reached over and took Jubilee's hand. "Then think of Billie as another nick name."

Jubilee grinned. "I--"

Nan raised a hand to Jubilee's mouth. "Did you hear that, Billie?"

Jubilee raced into the parlor where she saw Bobby nursing his hand, and surrounded by broken glass. "Are you...?"

Bobby nodded. "I'm fine, Jubilee. Just had a small accident, is all."

Jubilee kneeled down and began to help him pick up the pieces of cheap china. "Bobby, are you bleeding?!"

"Only a bit ... don't worry about it, I can take care of it, I just need to--"

"Go to the bathroom and put whatever the heck you put on something like that. I'll pick up the pieces, okay? Don't worry about it."

Bobby nodded weakly and made his way to the bathroom.

"I thought I heard a crash -- is everything all right, Jubilee?"

"Yeah, everything is fine, Mr. Bass. Bobby just had an accident with the dishes, is all."

Jacob went down to help her. "Careful you don't slice your hands, Jubilee."

Holland stormed into the room, hands shaking and nostrils flaring. "What in the hell happened?! I thought you were with Nana! Who did this?!"

"Easy, Pork Chop ... Bobby was clearing the dishes and some accidentally broke--"

"Some?! That's practically all the dishes we used! What was he doing, carrying them to the kitchen on his head?!"

"Accidents do happen, Holl--"

"And why isn't he cleaning this mess up? Why is he having you two do it?"

Jacob turned to Jubilee. Jubilee calmed herself down before answering. "Bobby cut up his hands pretty bad trying to pick the pieces up. I sent him to the bathroom."

Holland eased down. "Well, it's a good thing he's hurt ... because if he wasn't, I would personally see to it that he was!" And with that, Holland disappeared from the room.

"What in the hell is her problem?!"

"Please don't judge Holl too harshly, Jubilee--"

Jubilee jumped. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Bass! I forgot that you were in here, otherwise I wouldn't have -- I mean, geez, I'm trying not to be too incredibly rude, because I don't even know you people, just Bobby, and already me and his cousin are going at it, and I tried, I really, really tried not to be rude, but, God, she's making is SO hard for me not to, and now, I go ahead and do it to another Drake--"


"Right, Bass, and, oh ... I'm sorry! I'm not good at this sort of thing..."

Jacob smiled. "It's all right, Jubilee. I know my daughter can be ... a handful at times. She's just been going through some hard times, is all."

"You mean she's not like this all the time?"

"I didn't say that," Jacob winked. "There was a brief time when Holl and Bobby got along ... when we all lived on Long Island. After we moved, Holl and her brother Cliff went to spend a weekend at my sister's -- Bobby's mother's -- house, and from the way I hear it, Bobby was sent to a neighbor's house for the rest of the weekend after the two got into a fist fight."

"And after that...?"

"Our families got together here and there ... it was mostly uncomfortable for all of us, so the visits pretty much dwindled. Last time I saw my sister was about ... six years ago. I haven't seen Bobby in ages."

Jubilee smiled and nodded. "So ... want to give me any dirt on Bobby as a youngster?"

It was Jacob's turn to smile. "Bobby was very imaginative and liked to tell stories. He, Cliff, and Holl would put on these little shows for me, Hollis, Maddy and her William. Cliff was a natural ... did you know he was an actor?"

Jubilee shook her head.

"And Holl and Bobby would just be a couple of hams, up there ... Let's see ... Bobby would be the hero, Holl would be the evil witch, and Cliff would be the damsel in distress..."

Jubilee coughed. "Excuse me?"

Jacob nodded. "Cliff saw it as a way to increase his "castability" as he put it."

"Excuse me for being so forward, but--"

"Yes, Cliff was gay..."

"I'm sorry to ask, but--"

"You would have found out at the funeral, anyway, Jubilee." Jacob smiled to help reassure her. "And I'm probably the only one who'd tell you. Holland has always been in denial about her brother, and Bobby doesn't know, at least I think ... and Nana just conveniently 'forgets' ... you know how that goes, right 'Billie'?"

Jubilee smiled silently and began to take a handful of glass to the trash can. "I have been wondering -- AH!" Jubilee dropped the glass into the trash and began to suck on her finger.

"Let me have a look at that, Jubilee ... I may be no doctor, but after two precocious kids and an accident prone nephew..." Jubilee gave him her hand.

"You have a small piece of glass right there ... Will you let me get it out for you?"

Jubilee opened her mouth to say something, when Bobby entered. "I can get it for her, Uncle Jacob. I think Holland wants to see you."

Jacob nodded and headed out. "Thank you, Bobby."

Bobby shrugged and took Jubilee's hand. "Looks like you did a repeat performance of what I did!"

"How is your hand, Bobby?"

Bobby held it up his bandaged hand. "I'll be fine ... I was just being careless ... there, it's out."

Jubilee put the finger back in her mouth as Bobby began to scoot her to the bathroom. "Hey, Bobby?"

"Yeah, Jube?"

"How did your cousin die? Was he HIV or something?"

Bobby wrinkled his brow. "Why would you think -- Jacob told you he was gay, didn't he?"


"Well, don't automatically assume it was AIDS, okay?"

"Geez, Bobby, I just asked a question!"

"No, you--" Bobby let out a low groan. "I'm sorry, Jubilee ... I shouldn't be fighting you." He kissed the top of her forehead. "You are going to be the only thing that keeps me in check, you know that?"

"You betcher spandex! And I will be taking full advantage of that fact, Drake..."

Jubilee unleashed her Cheshire like grin. Bobby held up his arms in surrender. "Yeah, yeah, I know ... one case or two?"


"Four?! What are you going to do with four cases of thin mints?" Jubilee rolled her eyes.

"I was thinking about eating them, but if you have a better suggestion..."

"Hey, I'm just worried about you ... I have noticed you gained a bit of--"


Bobby turned white and kicked himself at his stupidity. "Gained a bit of height?"

Jubilee pursed her lips and crossed her arms. "Better. And now it's five cases." Jubilee's eyes went wide as she looked down on her shirt and began to blow on her hurt finger. "And a new shirt because I just bled all over this one..."

continued >>

Author's Note: Mice contends that you simply cannot call anybody "Gilberto" -- it doesn't matter if it's their name or not, it's the principle of the whole matter.

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