**Standard Mice Disclaimer**
Mice is in no way associated with the Marvel Comics Group. She is
merely trying to write a story and this is all she has to show for
it. A noble effort. Though she would one day like to be paid for writing,
please don't send her any money (send mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
on instructions to send her money). The characters of Bobby Drake
and Jubilee, belong to the Marvel Comics Group. Holland, Jacob, Bert,
Cliff, Hollis, and Nan are of my own mind. Any archiving of this story
that is unaware of her attention will be ily received (Read: Tikki
Curse). If you e-mail her, explain your intentions to archive the
story and address of your archive, she will be more than gracious
and will probably do something nice for you, like bake you brownies,
not to mention archiving the story. She just wants to know where she
can drool over the sight of her name. If you want to e-mail her comments,
do it at email@example.com.
You'll also get some brownies out of the deal, but it's not really
that great of a reward because she can't cook.
God ... er, Dog
Holland settled in next to her father in the parlor with a cup of
coffee for him. "How long are you here for, Dad?"
Jacob smiled at his daughter and took her in his arms. "As
long as you need me, Pork Chop."
Bobby resisted an urge to throw up and turned his attention to his
friend. "Jubilee, you barely ate anything, are you all right?"
Jubilee squirmed. "Yeah, I just wasn't very hungry."
"I'm sorry, Ju Ju Bee--"
"It's 'Jubilee', Windmills."
"That's what I said." Holland smiled. "Anyways, I
should have been more sensitive to your dietary needs."
Jubilee squinted. "Huh?
"Well, just saying that you're probably used to a more 'fish
and rice' diet than 'meat and potatoes' type meal."
Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Next thing you know, she'll be trading
in my fork for chopsticks..."
Holland smiled smugly. "How funny, I was just going to make
"Good. I can use them to stick up your--" A timely hand
covered the loud mouth.
"Uh, I don't think that'll be necessary, Holland," Bobby
hurried in because someone was nipping at his hand.
There was silence.
Then a fork dropped.
Someone picked it up.
A "thank you" was grunted.
A barely audible "welcome" followed it.
Jacob cleared his throat to end the uncomfortable interplay. "How
are you feeling, Mom?"
"Fine, Son," Nan got in before she belched. "I'm
sorry, I must be a bit gassy. Chicken does that to me."
Holland clicked her heels together. "there has to be another
place better than home ... there has to be--"
"Oh, Holl's a fine cook, Mom! Just like her mother." Jacob
kissed his daughter's head. "Remember your Aunt Hollis's cooking,
Bobby nodded weakly.
"It was good," Nana interjected, then leaned to Jubilee
and whispered. "That is, if you didn't give a flip about your
Jubilee stifled a giggle.
"Now, my Maddy can cook! Have you ever had her mashed potatoes,
uh, what did you say your name was, young lady?"
"Right, Billie. Well, Maddy's potatoes taste like someone just
plucked some angel, peeled it, mashed it up, and put it in a bowl,
they are so good."
Holland grinned through clenched teeth. "Well, I think that
I oughta get Gilberto to bed ... he's had quite a busy day with his
uncle coming for a visit, meeting his cousin, and Michelle Kwan ...
I'll help you get into bed soon, Nana--"
"Oh, don't worry, Jacqueline, Billie can do that for you."
"Billie, would you mind?"
"Of course not, Mrs. Bass," Jubilee said cordially. "You
go and take Bert to bed."
"His name is not Bert!!"
Jubilee put her hands on her hips. "You cannot expect
me to call him 'Gilberto' with a straight face."
"But it's his--"
Nana got up. "Coming, Billie?"
Jubilee grinned. "Coming, Mrs. Bass."
Jubilee followed Nan to the hall, but not before she made a face
"Dad, do you see what I go through with this family?"
Jacob gave his daughter another hug. "Holl, don't let her get
to you ... she does the same to all of us, doesn't she, Bobby?"
Bobby shrugged. "Say, Pork Chop, I have an idea, why don't
I help you put Gilberto to bed, okay?"
Holland nodded. "I'd like that very much, thank you Dad."
Jacob kissed the top of his daughter's head as they took Bert through
the hall, leaving Bobby by himself in the parlor with an odd assortment
of left over cups, saucers, and forks.
I guess most people in their life will ask, "Why me?"
every once in a while.
What I don't understand why I have to ask it every fifteen minutes.
Taking care of my grandmother was never even an option; it was either
I do it, or bounce over to another friend's crummy studio apartment.
I figure that Gilberto is a lot better off if he hears his mother
and great grandmother squabble every now and then than listening to
the couple upstairs fucking every three hours.
Well, Cliff did offer to take me and Gilberto in after he heard
of the problems me and Nana were having, but I didn't want to interfere
with his life. He had so much going for him. He was getting such good
reviews in his latest play, and he was up for a Gap commercial. I
couldn't drag him down with my problems.
What really makes all of this intolerable to me is that my entire
situation came from my vagina. I know everyone in the family thinks
I'm a slut, but before I got pregnant, the only guy I slept with was
my best friend, and that was by accident.
I barely even remember it. I was the girl who everyone said that
I was going to be a virgin until I married. I was the girl who was
going to wait, and I was waiting, and I was going to
be good, but then I never counted on getting drunk at my friend's
party, and I completely forgot that there isn't a Bass alive who can
hold their liquor; we've been known to get a buzz off of the alcohol
One slip was all it took.
Some of my friends came up to me and began to tell me that it was
"fate" and all that bull shit. I thought fate was supposed
to be good and bring things that are good, and get you out of hopeless
I hope they all have gonorrhea now, at the very least, pot smoking,
crystal wearing, new age assholes.
But, according to their theory, it was fate that I had to get pregnant,
then it wasn't Andy who got me pregnant, fate knocked me up. And unfortunately,
you can't get child support from fate.
"Billie, I have to thank you for this!"
"Oh, thank me nothing! It's my pleasure."
"I ... I just never knew such a show existed!"
"Well, I know it's not the greatest show, but Diego is enough
to make me want to learn Spanish, fake accent or not!"
Nan grunted. "Jacqueline never lets me watch shows like these."
Jubilee sat next to Nan on her bed. "Hey, Mrs. Bass, why do
you call her Jacqueline?"
Nan looked around. "Well, Billie, I'll tell you a secret that
I'm sure you'll believe, but you have to promise never to tell anyone..."
Jubilee leaned in. "I promise."
"All right then." Nan drew closer to Jubilee. "Her
name is stupid."
"I'll buy that."
Nana relaxed. "The girl is named after a country that doesn't
even have that name anymore! If that's not a sign that it's a stupid
Jubilee nodded. "So, you just gave her a new name?"
Nan nodded back. "I can be proud of a Jacqueline, I can only
laugh at a Holland."
Jubilee grinned. "So, what do you call Gilberto?"
"The boy's name is Albert, though I do like the name Bert ...
that's what Robert has been calling him."
"And you call me Billie, because...?" Nan smiled.
"To be frank, I think your parents were smoking the pot when
they thought of the name 'Jubilee'."
"Actually, it's Jubilation. My last name is Lee ... it's kind
of a nickname."
Nan sniffed. "Pot takers."
Jubilee raised her arms in defense. "Hey, I'm not saying that
the name isn't stupid ... I like the nickname, though."
Nan reached over and took Jubilee's hand. "Then think of Billie
as another nick name."
Jubilee grinned. "I--"
Nan raised a hand to Jubilee's mouth. "Did you hear that, Billie?"
Jubilee raced into the parlor where she saw Bobby nursing his hand,
and surrounded by broken glass. "Are you...?"
Bobby nodded. "I'm fine, Jubilee. Just had a small accident,
Jubilee kneeled down and began to help him pick up the pieces of
cheap china. "Bobby, are you bleeding?!"
"Only a bit ... don't worry about it, I can take care of it,
I just need to--"
"Go to the bathroom and put whatever the heck you put on something
like that. I'll pick up the pieces, okay? Don't worry about it."
Bobby nodded weakly and made his way to the bathroom.
"I thought I heard a crash -- is everything all right, Jubilee?"
"Yeah, everything is fine, Mr. Bass. Bobby just had an accident
with the dishes, is all."
Jacob went down to help her. "Careful you don't slice your
Holland stormed into the room, hands shaking and nostrils flaring.
"What in the hell happened?! I thought you were with Nana! Who
"Easy, Pork Chop ... Bobby was clearing the dishes and some
"Some?! That's practically all the dishes we used! What was
he doing, carrying them to the kitchen on his head?!"
"Accidents do happen, Holl--"
"And why isn't he cleaning this mess up? Why is he having you
two do it?"
Jacob turned to Jubilee. Jubilee calmed herself down before answering.
"Bobby cut up his hands pretty bad trying to pick the pieces
up. I sent him to the bathroom."
Holland eased down. "Well, it's a good thing he's hurt ...
because if he wasn't, I would personally see to it that he was!"
And with that, Holland disappeared from the room.
"What in the hell is her problem?!"
"Please don't judge Holl too harshly, Jubilee--"
Jubilee jumped. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Bass! I forgot that you
were in here, otherwise I wouldn't have -- I mean, geez, I'm trying
not to be too incredibly rude, because I don't even know you people,
just Bobby, and already me and his cousin are going at it, and I tried,
I really, really tried not to be rude, but, God, she's making is SO
hard for me not to, and now, I go ahead and do it to another Drake--"
"Right, Bass, and, oh ... I'm sorry! I'm not good at this sort
Jacob smiled. "It's all right, Jubilee. I know my daughter
can be ... a handful at times. She's just been going through some
hard times, is all."
"You mean she's not like this all the time?"
"I didn't say that," Jacob winked. "There was a brief
time when Holl and Bobby got along ... when we all lived on Long Island.
After we moved, Holl and her brother Cliff went to spend a weekend
at my sister's -- Bobby's mother's -- house, and from the way I hear
it, Bobby was sent to a neighbor's house for the rest of the weekend
after the two got into a fist fight."
"And after that...?"
"Our families got together here and there ... it was mostly
uncomfortable for all of us, so the visits pretty much dwindled. Last
time I saw my sister was about ... six years ago. I haven't seen Bobby
Jubilee smiled and nodded. "So ... want to give me any dirt
on Bobby as a youngster?"
It was Jacob's turn to smile. "Bobby was very imaginative and
liked to tell stories. He, Cliff, and Holl would put on these little
shows for me, Hollis, Maddy and her William. Cliff was a natural ...
did you know he was an actor?"
Jubilee shook her head.
"And Holl and Bobby would just be a couple of hams, up there
... Let's see ... Bobby would be the hero, Holl would be the evil
witch, and Cliff would be the damsel in distress..."
Jubilee coughed. "Excuse me?"
Jacob nodded. "Cliff saw it as a way to increase his "castability"
as he put it."
"Excuse me for being so forward, but--"
"Yes, Cliff was gay..."
"I'm sorry to ask, but--"
"You would have found out at the funeral, anyway, Jubilee."
Jacob smiled to help reassure her. "And I'm probably the only
one who'd tell you. Holland has always been in denial about her brother,
and Bobby doesn't know, at least I think ... and Nana just conveniently
'forgets' ... you know how that goes, right 'Billie'?"
Jubilee smiled silently and began to take a handful of glass to
the trash can. "I have been wondering -- AH!" Jubilee
dropped the glass into the trash and began to suck on her finger.
"Let me have a look at that, Jubilee ... I may be no doctor,
but after two precocious kids and an accident prone nephew..."
Jubilee gave him her hand.
"You have a small piece of glass right there ... Will you let
me get it out for you?"
Jubilee opened her mouth to say something, when Bobby entered. "I
can get it for her, Uncle Jacob. I think Holland wants to see you."
Jacob nodded and headed out. "Thank you, Bobby."
Bobby shrugged and took Jubilee's hand. "Looks like you did
a repeat performance of what I did!"
"How is your hand, Bobby?"
Bobby held it up his bandaged hand. "I'll be fine ... I was
just being careless ... there, it's out."
Jubilee put the finger back in her mouth as Bobby began to scoot
her to the bathroom. "Hey, Bobby?"
"How did your cousin die? Was he HIV or something?"
Bobby wrinkled his brow. "Why would you think -- Jacob told
you he was gay, didn't he?"
"Well, don't automatically assume it was AIDS, okay?"
"Geez, Bobby, I just asked a question!"
"No, you--" Bobby let out a low groan. "I'm sorry,
Jubilee ... I shouldn't be fighting you." He kissed the top of
her forehead. "You are going to be the only thing that keeps
me in check, you know that?"
"You betcher spandex! And I will be taking full advantage of
that fact, Drake..."
Jubilee unleashed her Cheshire like grin. Bobby held up his arms
in surrender. "Yeah, yeah, I know ... one case or two?"
"Four?! What are you going to do with four cases of thin mints?"
Jubilee rolled her eyes.
"I was thinking about eating them, but if you have a better
"Hey, I'm just worried about you ... I have noticed you gained
a bit of--"
"NOT ANOTHER WORD, DRAKE!"
Bobby turned white and kicked himself at his stupidity. "Gained
a bit of height?"
Jubilee pursed her lips and crossed her arms. "Better. And
now it's five cases." Jubilee's eyes went wide as she looked down
on her shirt and began to blow on her hurt finger. "And a new shirt
because I just bled all over this one..."
Mice contends that you simply cannot call anybody "Gilberto"
-- it doesn't matter if it's their name or not, it's the principle
of the whole matter.
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